The Day Book

An Adventure on the Cars. There were five of us-yes, five as happy fellows as were ever let loose from College. It was 'vacation,' and we concluded to take a trip to the Falls. We got aboard the cars at N-, and were soon travelling very rapidly toward our destination. We had just seated ourselves and prepared for a comfortable smoke. when in came the conductor, and who should it be but our old friend Fred B-. After the common salutations-"How are you old fellow," etc. --had passed. Fred said he had some business for us to do. "Out with it, old chum," said we, "anything at all will be acceptable, so let us have it." "Well, boys." said Fred in a very confidential tone, "in that next car there is as 'lovin' a pair as it was ever my lot to see.— They are going down to ll--to get married, and now if you can have any fun over it, just pitch in. They must be cared for, and I don't know who can do it better than you." In a moment Fred was gone, and we set our heads together to form a plan for taking care of the lovers. "I have it, boys," said Bill Seevers; "we must make that girl believe that her lover is married." "That's it. Bill-that's it." said we. not giving him time to finish his sentence "That he is a married man and the father of children." said Bill. "That's the game, boys; now let us play it." It devolved upon me to commence operations. Accordingly, I entered the car in which we were informed the lovers were.- Sure enough, there were, in real soft lover style. All this I gathered at a glance. Stepping up to them, I said : "Why, Jones, what in the deuce are you doing with this girl ?" "See here, stranger," said the fellow "you're a mite mistaken, my name ain't Jones." "Why, Jones,' said I, "you certainly haven't left your wife and children, and tried to palm yourself off for a single man, have you" "I tell you my name ain't Jones; its Harper. It never was Jones; 'taint goin' to be nuther." I merely shook my head, and passed on to another seat to see the rest of the fun. The girl looked "wild' after I sat down; but Jones, alias Harper, soon convinced her that I was mistaken. About the time they got to feeling right well again, in came Bill Seevers. Walking up to Harper, he accosted him with- "Why, Jones, you here! How did you leave your wife and babies?" "Now, see here, stranger, you ain't the first man that's called me Jones to-day, an' I reckon I must look awfully like him; but I. ain't Jones, an'more'n that, you musn't call me Jones. I haint got a wife, nor babies either; but this here gal an' I is a goin' to splice, an'then you can talk about my wife, and I wouldn't wonder but what, in the course of time, you might talk about the babies, too; but you musn't call me Jones!" This retort brought forth vociferous laughter from the spectators, and it also brought blushes to the face of "the girl that was goin' to be spliced." "Ah, Jones," said Seevers, "you will regret this in the future. I pity your wife and children and this poor girl." "So, Mr. Harper, your real name is Jones is it, an' you've been foolin' me, have you? Well. we ain't spliced yet and I don't think we will be soon," said the girl, and her eyes fairly flashed fire. "Jane, Jane," said Harper, "don't you know I'm Bill Harper? Thar ain't a darn drop of Jones blood in me, an'I'll prove it." At this moment Jeff Jackson, Bill Seevers and Jim Byers entered, and of course their attention was called to Harper by his loud talking. They stepped up to him and said- "Why, Jones, what is all this fuss about?' This was more than Harper could stand. He leaped upon a seat. "Now," said he, "my name ain't Jones, and I can lick the feller that says it is."' By this time we had got to H---, and our friend Fred came into the car and made Harper keep quiet. The girl that wouldn't be "spliced" requested Fred to help her on the train that was going back to N--- which he did, and the notorious Jones. alias harper. followed her. We learned afterwards that he proved himself to be Bill Harper instead of Bill Jones, and he and his gal "Jane got spliced."