The Greenville Times

Crazy George Francis Train.
The Inimitable Commenting
on the Death Of Vander-
BILT.
Editor--Well, Mr. Train, the
flags are at half-mast at last. No
mistake this time. The Commo-
dore is really dead.
Ah!
Mr. Train--Eight months dying!
What a magnificent vital power.
Knowledge of diet and Turkish
baths would have given fifty years
more of life. As it was he killed
two doctors out of five and tired
out preachers, reporters, family
and public. They are all glad the
agony is over. How odd to see
him go off bible mad at last when
he tried to be a skeptic for a score
of years!
"Nearer, my God, to thee," was
the last song, and "Father, Son
and Holy Ghost!" his last words.
What a jubilee for Deems! What a
harvest for doctors! What a gold
mine to the lawyer! What a re-
ief to his relatives! The press and
the stock exchange! How glad
everybody seems to-day.
The incubus of Croesus is off the
public at last. These awfully rich
monsters retard evolution.
The property gobbler. Astor,
died November, 1875. The tape
gobbler, Stewart, died April, 1876,
and now the railway corporation
gobbler, Vanderbilt, dies January,
1877 all within a twelve-month
in the Centennial year! The land
king, the cloth king and the rail-
way king age is ended. Thus pass
away the last of the holy trinity
of hundred millionaires. All
dead and nobody sheds tears.
You could not sell the whole out-
fit in the flesh to-day at public auc-
tion for ten millions. These mis-
ers gobbled nearly all their gold
in the half century. While cut-
ting the pound of flesh from the
rich they squeezed the drop of blood
from the poor. When they gave
anything to charity, it was done
as advertisement, a moral insur-
ace policy.
These Shylocks were three
Dutch, Teutonic and Celtic squat-
ters on New York city. They
squatted and waited. The city
grew and their estate increased
with its growth. Neither of them
were painters, poets, authors
sculptors, orators, statesmen, in-
ventors nor benefactors. Pos-
sessing everything to make them
beloved, they were three floating
icebergs in the patrician sea of
avarice. They enjoyed the battle
for gold and fattened upon the
booty. Neither of them ever saw
a Turkish bath.
Editor--Who will be Mr. Van-
derbilt's pall bearers. Mr. Train?
Mr. Train--Of course the New
York Mutual Admiration squad,
who are always on hand at three
millionaire shows. Years ago Van-
derbilt appointed ten friends.
They are all dead. He seems to
have outlived everything, and dies
at last before the announcement of
the New York Central bankruptcy
He was an active business man
twenty years between his two
marriages. The first in 1813: the
last in 1869. He was the cham-
pion corporation "bucker, stock
waterer," opposition advertiser
and stock exchange "washer" of
the world!
His forty years' battle between
his rectum and his bladder was an
outrage on common sense, but ty-
pifies the ignorance of man on the
laws of life. He surrendered his
infidelity to Dr. Deems, but not
his strong cigar. This proves the
weakness of his biblical conversion
and the strength of his appetite.
Just think of Deems roasting oys-
ters on his bedroom coal fire at
midnight for a dying man's supper.
Mr. Train.--His death and Jay
Gould's failure! as they were si-
lent partners. William Vander-
bilt is a slow-going Staten Island
farmer, who never talked business
till near half a century old, and
will be a spring chicken for Gould
to pluck. Watch close the gold
market, down to six As it drops
the fuse burns. The magazine of
powder is par or specie payments.
Gould takes Vanderbilt's place for
a short time, and then down goes
the circuit of the Central house of
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