Arizona Republican

A Flat Failure.

The Matrimonial Mishap of a Sioux Warrior.

He Weds a Modern Maiden and Then Pines for Oblivion—His Fin de Siecle Bride Would Not Chop Wood Nor Draw Water.

A tragedy occurred near the mouth of Willow creek, S. D., recently which for humor and touching pathos has yet to be equaled in the history of this section of country. Paul Medicine Body, a Sioux warrior, becoming tired of life and disgusted with the perfidy of the weaker sex, attempted suicide at the end of a rope, and his aged father brought the instrument of destruction to Fort Pierre, appealing to the coroner to go out and "sit" upon the body of his son, who, he averred, was "much heap dead—gulp a heap." As there was not sufficient evidence that the man was dead, however, the coroner declined to go.

On October 20 last, says a recent dispatch, Paul Medicine Body and Martha Head wended their way happily over the hills and down through the canyons of Bad river to Fort Pierre. They were to be married, and all the pent-up joy of sizzling love could be seen spreading itself over their swarthy features as they realized that the fruition of their hopes and desires was soon to be consummated. No more of the aimless life of a bachelor for Medicine Body. No more rude awakenings from long and blissful dreams of hunting grounds, of fabulous wealth, to the dull, prosaic necessity of building a fire and cooking breakfast. The cobwebs which had accumulated in the apex of his tepee would no longer impede the blue smoke from his wigwam fire as it curled heavenward to be lost in the clear atmosphere of his beloved Dakota land. He believed that "as the cord unto the bow is, so is woman unto man." Thus sang the joyous Medicine Body, and as he fondly conjured up scenes of his dutiful wife patiently cutting the pile of wood he thought what a noble being was woman! In adversity how comforting, and in prosperity how lovable!

Medicine Body was given much to day dreaming on that eventful October morning, and the more he dreamed the faster grew his pace toward the clerk of the court's office. Johnston Jeffries, who was then clerk of the courts, happened to be in a barber shop getting his whiskers trimmed, and it was there that Medicine Body found him. He applied for a license to wed the coy maiden, and Mr. Jeffries, who always carried one or more of those necessary documents about him, forthwith produced one. Medicine Body, being of a thrifty and economical turn, then made overtures to the clerk of the courts, who was also a justice of the peace, to marry them on the spot in consideration of a cord of dry ash wood. The bargain was struck, and there, while the barber occasionally nicked his customers as he told a funny story, the solemn rites of holy matrimony were performed from the standpoint of a frontier justice of the peace.

Medicine Body and his wife, with thumping hearts and minds full of anticipations of joys to come, bestrode their ponies and set their faces toward the setting sun. Back over the hills and through the canyons they went to the ancestral tepee, where they expected to live a long life of unalloyed happiness together. But Medicine Body was doomed to be disillusioned. Martha would not cut the wood nor yet brush the cobwebs from his tepee, nor do many other things, small in themselves, but which in the aggregate go to make up the qualities of a dutiful, loving helpmeet, while her liege lord, the descendant of a long line of noted warriors, sat and smoked his pipe in peace. So he became morose, sullen, and would no longer masticate the more or less savory dishes which Martha prepared for him, until at last life became an intolerable burden to him and he took his trusty lariat and went hunting for a tree. No tree being in sight, he took the next best thing, a rafter in a barn, and sought a happy hunting ground,

its enlightening wedge and he could follow the traditions of his race without molestation. His friends, however, discovered him in time to save his life. One more argument on the side of those who claim that marriage is a failure.