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Poem
May 1, 1903
The Kinsley Graphic
Kinsley, Edwards County, Kansas
What is this article about?
A village philosopher named Billings laments at the grocery store that fate dooms modern men to lesser success than historical figures like Columbus and Franklin, as all great inventions are already done, in a satirical dialect poem.
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OCR Quality
98%
Excellent
Full Text
THE VILLAGE PHILOSOPHER.
Down at the corner grocery store
Sat Billings. Half a dozen more
Were grouped about the stove that day
To hear what Billings had to say.
"Taint my fault I was born so late."
Here Billings lit his pipe "It's fate;
Yes, fate that shapes the lives o' men
An' tells 'em what to do an' when.
"The ones who used to win success
Would find hard sleddin' now, I guess,
In tryin' fer to write their name
High on the deathless scroll o' fame.
Fer any man with brains can see
Things ain't like what they used to be
Back yonder when the world was new
An' there was everything to do.
"Fact is, to-day there ain't no chance
Fer anybody to advance.
The things worth doin' has been done;
There's nothin' left fer any one."
Here Billings paused and took a few
Long, lingering whiffs, and softly blew
The smoke in clouds above his head,
And thought a while, and then he said:
"Now there's Columbus: s'posin' he
Was one of us to-day, he'd see
There ain't no worlds a-loafin' 'round
Just sort o' waitin' to be found.
An' Franklin with his key an' kite
He couldn't interest us a mite,
Fer little children in their play
Are doin' all he done, to-day.
"The printin' press, the railway train,
The ships that plow the ragin' main,
An' the telegraph an' telephone,
An' all things, were once unknown.
Then all a feller had to do
Was just to think o' something new
An' tell it to the people, when
They'd class him with the brainy men.
"Some folks say we've as good a show
As what they had long ago
Fer findin' out things. That's all bosh:
Leavin's is all we've got, b'gosh!
It's blamed discouragin' to me
To sort o' glance about an' see
The easy things that men have done
That made 'em famous, every one.
"An' say! I purty nearly hate
The man who dares to intimate
The wise men who have passed away
Was smarter'n what we be to-day."
Here Billings puffed his pipe a while
And then with something like a smile
He added: "Guess they'd got the worst
Of it if we'd a' got here first."
-Nixon Waterman, in Saturday Evening Post.
Down at the corner grocery store
Sat Billings. Half a dozen more
Were grouped about the stove that day
To hear what Billings had to say.
"Taint my fault I was born so late."
Here Billings lit his pipe "It's fate;
Yes, fate that shapes the lives o' men
An' tells 'em what to do an' when.
"The ones who used to win success
Would find hard sleddin' now, I guess,
In tryin' fer to write their name
High on the deathless scroll o' fame.
Fer any man with brains can see
Things ain't like what they used to be
Back yonder when the world was new
An' there was everything to do.
"Fact is, to-day there ain't no chance
Fer anybody to advance.
The things worth doin' has been done;
There's nothin' left fer any one."
Here Billings paused and took a few
Long, lingering whiffs, and softly blew
The smoke in clouds above his head,
And thought a while, and then he said:
"Now there's Columbus: s'posin' he
Was one of us to-day, he'd see
There ain't no worlds a-loafin' 'round
Just sort o' waitin' to be found.
An' Franklin with his key an' kite
He couldn't interest us a mite,
Fer little children in their play
Are doin' all he done, to-day.
"The printin' press, the railway train,
The ships that plow the ragin' main,
An' the telegraph an' telephone,
An' all things, were once unknown.
Then all a feller had to do
Was just to think o' something new
An' tell it to the people, when
They'd class him with the brainy men.
"Some folks say we've as good a show
As what they had long ago
Fer findin' out things. That's all bosh:
Leavin's is all we've got, b'gosh!
It's blamed discouragin' to me
To sort o' glance about an' see
The easy things that men have done
That made 'em famous, every one.
"An' say! I purty nearly hate
The man who dares to intimate
The wise men who have passed away
Was smarter'n what we be to-day."
Here Billings puffed his pipe a while
And then with something like a smile
He added: "Guess they'd got the worst
Of it if we'd a' got here first."
-Nixon Waterman, in Saturday Evening Post.
What sub-type of article is it?
Satire
Ballad
What themes does it cover?
Satire Society
Science Progress
What keywords are associated?
Village Philosopher
Billings Fate
Columbus Franklin
Inventions Progress
Modern Discouragement
What entities or persons were involved?
Nixon Waterman, In Saturday Evening Post.
Poem Details
Title
The Village Philosopher.
Author
Nixon Waterman, In Saturday Evening Post.
Form / Style
Rhymed Couplets In Dialect
Key Lines
"Taint My Fault I Was Born So Late."
Here Billings Lit His Pipe "It's Fate;
"Now There's Columbus: S'posin' He
Was One Of Us To Day, He'd See
There Ain't No Worlds A Loafin' 'Round
Just Sort O' Waitin' To Be Found.
"The Printin' Press, The Railway Train,
The Ships That Plow The Ragin' Main,
An' The Telegraph An' Telephone,
An' All Things, Were Once Unknown.
He Added: "Guess They'd Got The Worst
Of It If We'd A' Got Here First."