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Poem
February 2, 1841
Rutland Herald
Rutland, Rutland County, Vermont
What is this article about?
A satirical poem where a doctor advises an overweight, ailing patient that stealing a horse would lead to imprisonment, providing simple food, exercise, and health benefits to cure his ills from overindulgence.
Clipping
OCR Quality
98%
Excellent
Full Text
ADVANTAGES OF HORSE STEALING.
A patient with a rosy face,
And a fair round body, told his case
To a physician skilled in learning,
And keen discerning;
Much he complained
Of being pained
With numerous ills;
Feverish heats, and anguish chills:
With head-ache, neck-ache, cholic, gout,
And rheumatism all about;
Indigestion, flatulence:
And he must soon go "hence,"
Unless the Doctors would find out
Some way
To ease his pain,
And set him on his legs again;
And take their pay.
The Doctor heard him with a smile,
Eyeing him keenly all the while:
Then says, "Sir, your best course
Would be to steal a horse."
"How can horse-stealing ease my pain
Doctor, you're jesting-pray explain."
"Then, to be serious, sir, you know,
If you should steal a horse, you'll go
To the State's Prison, and there stay
Day after day;
Fed with simple, wholesome food,
And have just work enough to do you good;
For, without spectacles, my eyes
Convince me that your ailments rise
From too much eating, too much drinking,
Too little exercise, too little thinking;
Hence soon you'll find that by your stealth.
You'll gain the first of blessings, health.
And when they ope the prison door,
To set you free,
Remember me-
And go your way and sin no more."
A patient with a rosy face,
And a fair round body, told his case
To a physician skilled in learning,
And keen discerning;
Much he complained
Of being pained
With numerous ills;
Feverish heats, and anguish chills:
With head-ache, neck-ache, cholic, gout,
And rheumatism all about;
Indigestion, flatulence:
And he must soon go "hence,"
Unless the Doctors would find out
Some way
To ease his pain,
And set him on his legs again;
And take their pay.
The Doctor heard him with a smile,
Eyeing him keenly all the while:
Then says, "Sir, your best course
Would be to steal a horse."
"How can horse-stealing ease my pain
Doctor, you're jesting-pray explain."
"Then, to be serious, sir, you know,
If you should steal a horse, you'll go
To the State's Prison, and there stay
Day after day;
Fed with simple, wholesome food,
And have just work enough to do you good;
For, without spectacles, my eyes
Convince me that your ailments rise
From too much eating, too much drinking,
Too little exercise, too little thinking;
Hence soon you'll find that by your stealth.
You'll gain the first of blessings, health.
And when they ope the prison door,
To set you free,
Remember me-
And go your way and sin no more."
What sub-type of article is it?
Satire
Ballad
What themes does it cover?
Temperance Moderation
Moral Virtue
Satire Society
What keywords are associated?
Horse Stealing
Doctor Advice
Prison Health
Overeating
Temperance
Poem Details
Title
Advantages Of Horse Stealing.
Subject
Cure For Ailments Through Imprisonment
Form / Style
Rhymed Couplets
Key Lines
"Sir, Your Best Course Would Be To Steal A Horse."
"If You Should Steal A Horse, You'll Go To The State's Prison, And There Stay"
"Your Ailments Rise From Too Much Eating, Too Much Drinking, Too Little Exercise, Too Little Thinking;"