Wood River Times

A FINE OPENING FOR A YOUNG MAN.

A Veteran Tramp Desires to Retire from the Business and will Sell Out Cheap.
[Virginia (Nev.) Chronicle]

Editor Evening Chronicle.-
Sir: I'm a tramp. Now, don't be shocked at the admission, and imagine me one of those unwashed, unshaved, uncouth pests, who are so prevalent on this coast. However unlimited my wardrobe may be it invariably contains soap, towel, etc., all of which articles are brought into requisition as occasion requires. In fact years of a wandering life have not entirely obliterated all semblance of decency or caused me to completely ignore the usages of polite society. Yet candor compels me to admit that I am in every other sense a confirmed tramp. It is said that one of my progenitors was of gypsy origin, and consequently of a nomadic disposition, and from her I am presumed to inherit that disposition for roving which is my strongest characteristic. There is scarcely a land or grade of society on this earth with which I am not familiar. China, Japan, the East, India and Australia I have traversed in succession, while Great Britain, France and the German countries have been honored by my presence. I have ridden in his carriage beside a belted Earl, and packed my blankets in company with a traveling tinker. I have reclined on a luxurious couch within the walls of an Eastern palace, and have slept equally as sound beneath heaven's broad canopy, and with no companions save a band of outlaws. And now, after long years fraught with the vicissitudes of an adventurer's career, I find myself once more in the land of my nativity, homeless, friendless and penniless. Don't you think tramping a profitable occupation, and that I have made enough to satisfy any reasonable man? I do; and, not being of an avaricious disposition, I am perfectly willing to retire on what I have accumulated-namely, the fag-end of a misspent life-providing I can dispose of the good-will of my business to some ambitious individual who may aspire to try his fortune in that field where I have been so eminently successful. A very small sum will induce me to retire in favor of such a person. I even promise to throw into the bargain some valuable advice as to the deportment to be observed on different occasions; when to bully and when to cajole; full instructions for working the saintly dodge on charitable widows, feeble minded old gentlemen, etc., etc. A thorough knowledge of this most useful art, which can be acquired in a few lessons, will insure success to any enterprising persons of either sex. I have known several females who excelled in this particular branch, and shall be happy to answer any lady correspondent who means business. As this letter may serve the purpose of an advertisement, I promise you a fair commission on any profits accruing from its publication.