Richmond Enquirer

LONDON POLICE.
Refusal of A Large Fare.—Mr. Cole, a medical gentleman, appeared to ask the assistance of the Lord Mayor under the following circumstances of hardship: The learned gentleman caused a great deal of merriment, which sprung in a great measure from the excellent temper with which he gave the history of his calamity. To all appearance the doctor was about thirty stone weight.

"I am come, my Lord, to complain to you of the very unreasonable conduct of the omnibus conductor and driver," said the doctor. "I live in the Edgeware-road, and find it necessary to get into an omnibus to come to and return from town. Of late, however, the coachmen and conductors, the moment I hail them, shake their heads and drive on, saying—' No, no, you won't do for me.'—(Great laughter.) ' They object to my size, I suppose, but I am not in a condition to remedy that, and therefore if they have me at all they must have me as I am.' (Laughter.)

The Lord Mayor: I am afraid, Doctor, that I can't compel them to have you; and, to say the truth, I think their objection is a very reasonable one. Put the matter in this way:—An omnibus is licensed to carry 14 persons inside. Now, suppose 14 men of your size were to demand admission, would you like to be a passenger?

Doctor Cole. Not by any means, I assure you, for I am convinced that we should not be at all comfortable in such weather as this. They proposed to me to pay double price, but I am only one person, and I thought the act of parliament protected me.

The Lord Mayor.—The drivers need not take any one they do not fancy. It was but the other day a drunken fellow wanted to force his way into an omnibus, and I fined him. Now I should think the passengers would have as great an objection to you as the drivers, and therefore, until you reduce your weight, you can't expect accommodation from Paddington to the Bank for sixpence.

Doctor Cole (casting his eyes round him). To reduce this bulk would be a difficult thing. It is impossible

The Lord Mayor.—I'll tell you how—walk.

Doctor Cole.—Walk! walk from Paddington to the Bank!-(Loud Laughter.)

The Lord Mayor —That's a certain remedy for obesity If Daniel Lambert had carried the box in which he travelled, he would not have been such a spectacle.

Doctor Cole.—It is not an easy matter for a man upwards of 50 years of age to walk any considerable distance. I am a medical man, and I should not in such a case recommend violent walking.

The Lord Mayor.—You mean you wouldn't practise it, Doctor.—(A laugh)

Doctor Cole. I am also aware of the usual method of reducing jockeys and fighting men, but I shouldn't fancy that system. I know the reduction of weight by such means is ruinous to the constitution, not to say a word of the inconvenient nature of the process to a man like me.

The Lord Mayor.—I wish I could render you a service, Doctor. You bear all these things, it appears to me, with an excellent temper.

Doctor Cole.—Certainly I do; I enjoy the refusal of the conductor as much as the passengers do. The moment the door is open the passengers cry out, "Oh, we're no room here; you must get an omnibus for yourself."— (Laughter.) The coachman cries, " I told you before, Jack, that we couldn't take in that load under double price," and the conductor slams the door and says "all right." leaving me in the middle of the road in a roar of laughter.

The Lord Mayor declared that he never saw so faithful an illustration of the old saying, "laugh and grow fat," and repeated his prescription of walking, but without the slightest effect upon the Doctor, who disturbed the whole room in moving out of it.