Democratic Messenger

DEACON SAVEALL'S SPEECH

On the occasion of a meeting called by the district to consider the question whether a new school house should be built or not. He takes the opportunity of giving his ideas upon a variety of subjects, including the minister:

My friends.—We air here to-night to see if the deestrict will vote to build a new skool-house or not. We air here at no small expense of time, trouble and kerryseen. I didn't expect to say noth-ing when I kum in here, but I've been a-thiukin' as I've been a-settin that I ought to raise my voice agin the whole purceedin'. it is such an extravagant waste of public money taxed out of private indervidooals. I shall vote agin it. and do all I can to kill it. The trouble is, folks want too much in these days, and them folks what have little or nothin' 'cept young ones are always ready to vote to spend otler folks' money to edicate em. There wasn't much money spent to edicate me. and I've been a deekin in our meetin' for nigh forty year. I've worn the same coat and the same trousers, to say nothin' of waistcoat and boots, every Sabbath-day durin' full half that long period. Ain't I a pattern for the deestrict in matters of ekonomy? What would have bekum of me and Betsey Ann if I hadn't'a done so?

I don't purtend to be a judge of wim-men's goods and fixin's. but I've ob-sarved that she don't spend much of my money on dresses and bunnits. She knows my sentiments too well on them pints, and don't waste her time a-gaddin' round to see the fashuns and such. She's a stay-at-home woman and a work-in' woman, she is, and, if I do say it, she's a pattern just as much as I am. Why, it e'en a'most tuk our breth away one' Sunday mornin' when we seed our minister's wife a kummin' inter the meetin'-honse with a new bunnit on. all kuvered up with flowers and fethers. Sumbody sed 'twas an Easter, or a Wester. I've forgot which. for we don't keep them pagin days like the 'Piscopals and Romans. We know better. We rejoice in the lite while they walk on in darkness; but as I was a-sayin', me and Betsey Ann was dredfully distrest over it. And when we got hum, sez she to me, sez she: "What an example to our young folks! You oughter to go right over there, Jeremiah, and labor with 'em about it."

The next mornin' I went over to the parsonage, and kerried sum specked apples that we wuz goin' to throw away; for I alwuz takes sumthin' with me when I goes to see the minister's family-it's a sakred dooty. I tackled Mr. Nicodemus about it. He said that the bunnit wuz a present from sumbody who wuz here last summer. I suppose it wuz sum of them city folks who wuz a-doin' nothin', and spendin' their money at the tavern-"Summerin'." I believe they call it. Anyhow I felt an inward call to labor with the minister a spell longer, and to tell him in plain words that he mustn't allow any of his family to indnlge in ex-travagance, whether it costs him any-thing or not. We pay him four hundred dollars a year when we can raise it-that's what he wnz called on-and I've often laid awake night's thinkin' that he must be a-layin' up money, and it's wrong for ministers to do that; the Scripters is all agin it.

He has a wife, seven children, and an old uncle on his hands. to be sure. but then we only charge him fifty dollars a year for the use of the parsonage, and there ain't many folks that gets their rent as cheap as that. We use it to pay the insurance. and keep the house in re-pair. Pertatoes and brown bread are cheap: that's our livin' mainly. and what's good enuf for us is good enuf for anybody. And then. agin. I don't see why the minister should be obleeged to entertain the whole tribe of Gadites. and half the tribe of Manassar, and spend our money in feedin' em

Why. it's wus than a flock of Egyptian locusts to see the folks that go a-trampin in and out of our parsonage in the course of a year. We don't hev any kumpany. We did hev a man and a woman lite down on us onst, but they didn't stay long. She sed that her mother was a third cousin to my wife's great-aunt, but we never seed 'em afore they came a-drivin' into our door-yard. I was a-splittin' kindlings, and Betsey Ann she was a-settin' milk pans out to dry in the sun, when we heerd sumbody cry out: " Why how do you do, Cousin Jeremiah? How do you do, Cousin Betsey." We thot sumthin' queer was a-kummin'. and when that air woman jumped out of the wagin, and told the man who druv the team to take out the trunks and bandboxes. I riz right up and told 'em we had no komadations for kumpany, and they'd better go on to the tavern. My punkins! how that female did splutter! They had traps enuf with 'em to stay a munth: but it was rite in hayin'-time. and they didn't find the atmosfear congenial, so they left in a hurry. and we've never seed em sinco.

Well, as I was a-savin', I wrastled and remonstrated with Mr. Nicodemus. and told him that folks was a-talkin' about him and Mis' Nicodemus havin' too much kumpany. He looked rather cut up. and sed that the Scripters taught us to entertain strangers and to show hospertality. I surmised that he had heerd sumthin' about the strangers who had lit on us. and how we got rid of 'em; and I made up my mind that if he was a-goin' to put me down in that way, I would Starve 'em out. when he kums house for nothin'. and I ain't a-goin to have the minister spend any of my money in doin' it nuther.

These 'ere ministers have got to be kept down. or they'll get high minded They are the sarvants of the people. and I for one think they onghter be re-minded of it from time to time. Human natur' is very frail. even in the best of us, and although our Mr. Nicodemus is 'most always a subdued sort of man, we mustn't let him get too independent. P'r'aps sumbody may think that I'm savin' too much about the minister and too little about the skool-house. but I ain't forgot my subject by no means.

Just because Square Jones-who has been off travelin' this fall. and has seed a whole lot of new things in the way of edication-thinks that the deestrict oughter hev a new skool-house, the whole naburhood has got crazy over it. I don't know as I can purvent it. but I am a-goin' to raise my voice and use my infiuence agin it. I've been a deekin nigh on to forty year, and I've passed through more seens and unseens than anybody else in the kummunity. These 're new-fangled notions that Square Jones has been a-talkin' about-such as skools. skool-buks. and imple-ments-oughter be put down : the only implements we need are agricultooral implements, and as for skool-buks, the old one's are good enuf. Talk about advanced idees. objek teaching and new methods! it's all a contrived plan to take the money out of our pockets.

Mebbe you don't know how savin' I am about things. Let me relate an inser-dent, which although it failed of its pur-pus, my will was all rite.

Last fall sum time I heerd oid Mis Jones say that Mis' Brown told her dar-ter Melindy that Glorvanna Perkins said that the last time she went down to the city to put some money in the bank that she'd had left her, who should walk in but our Mr. Nicodemus! (The idee of a minister's havin' anything to do with a bank! I guess the 'Possel Paul never went into a bank. and didn't know much abont snch insitootions.) He went up to the cashier with a piece of paper, and he paid him sum money. Miss Perkins see the bills, but couldn't tell how much he got. although she tried to : but she heerd the cashier say, " We always like to cash Mr. Dun-can's checks : he knows how to do good with his money."

Now Mr. Duncan's folks wnz here in our village all last summer, and went to our meetin'. and I noticed that Mr. Nicodemus alwuz paid 'em a good deal of attention-mor'n he oughter. I thought. We hire him to look after our spiritool interests, and not them of rich folks who don't live here.

Puttin' this and that together, it 'curred to me that 'twould pay to go down to the city. see Mr. Duncan, and find out how much that check wuz, so that we could take it out of the salary. I mentioned the matter to a few of our members, and they thought well of it So after I'd got through gettin' in the sowi I went down to the city, and after a good deal of trouble I found out where Mr. Duncan's store wuz. So I went in, and sez I to a dapper-lookin feller who stood behind the counter, "Is Mr. Duncan in?"

" Yes." sez he. "he's in the oflis. and is very busy, as this is shippin' day." I didn't see no ships round nowhere. and I thought he meant to chaff me a little. seens as I wnz from what they call the rooral deestricts; so sez I: " Young man, don't you insult me, a man old enuf to be your grandfather. You just tell me where that offis is. for I've got important business on hand." He larfed right out, and then p'nted me to a glass door, which I opened. and there was Mr. Duncan settin' by a desk 'ritin'. He looked up, and sez he. " What can I do for you, my friend ?" Sez I. "Didn't you have your family down to our vil-lage of Slowtown last summer? and didn't sum of your folks go to our meetin'?" He thot a minit, and then sed. "Yes-what of it?"

Sez I. "Didn't you make our minister a pres-ent? and if so, how much was it?" I never seed a man get so mad in a minit as he did. "You pryin' old scoun-drel," sez he. (I'm 'most ashamed to use his language, only I want the dee-strict to know how much abused I've been for tryin' to save our folks in pay-in' the minister.) "Leave this room," sez he. "You dolt deserve to have a minister, or to enjoy the blessings of the Gospel. You remind me of the man whose yearly contribution was a peck of green peas."

I didn't stay long after that. 'cause it kinder seemed as if my kumpany wasn't appreciated. When I got hum. I told the committy of the way I was ceived, and they agreed to pay my expenses out of the salary. and deduct twenty-five dollars that year. I thot we'd better take out fifty dollars. and risk it: but Deekin Cautions said that the minister might say sumthin' about it, and make a fuss. So we didn't do it. I haven't passed through such an experience since the time when we painted the outside of our old meetin'-house, twenty-five years ago. and tuk it out of old Mr. Hard times. who used to do th preechin afore Mr. Nicodemus was hired. There was a good many then who said I was mean abont it. bnt we must expect to be ill-treated when we make such sacri-fices for the sake of religion. I could say more. but won't now. 'cept that I shall continue to raise my voice agin havin' a new skool-house built in this deestrict ; ourn's good enuf.-Harper's Bazar.