The Mahnomen Pioneer

GROWING WITH YOUR CHILD

By the Institute of Child Welfare, University of Minnesota

"Little Pitchers"

"Phil simply refuses to eat vegetables. I know it's not good for him to eat so much meat and bread, but just try to make him eat carrots or peas!"

Phil was playing on the floor with his train while his mother was making this remark, and it seemed to the visitor that there passed over his face a very definite look of satisfaction. (Doesn't being the center of concern make any of us glow complacently?) If his mother had wanted to make sure that he refused his vegetables at supper that night, she could hardly have gone about it a better way. Whenever we discuss a child's oddities of behavior in his presence, we give him the feeling of being of importance with regard to the special subject we are bringing into the limelight, and bolster him up in his determination to carry on with that peculiarity. Why is it that so many otherwise intelligent and thoughtful people give no heed to the fact that discussion of a child's behavior before him is almost certain to call it to his attention, and make him feel that in it he has a handle by which he can twist his parents to his desires? Over and over again, I have heard mothers talk about their children's sleeping and eating habits, their failure to mind, their obstinacy over their clothes, and a dozen other things that constitute teasing little problems, with complete disregard of the children's presence.

Now it's true that children need attention and assurance, but it is a delicate matter to give it to them in the right way. Praise is necessary, and there is no harm in letting children know it when we are proud of them. But we should take care to be praising things that denote real effort and accomplishment on their part. Mention of personal appearance may easily make a child vain and self-conscious, while the trite remark about how much a child has grown may, in the case of the over-tall child to whom it is so often addressed by thoughtless adults, give him an acute sense of discomfort, of being conspicuous from which he never quite recovers. Compliment a child on his appearance, if you will, but do it in private, where his reactions will not be noted or commented on by the unthinking.

But when it comes to talking about conduct that should be changed, there's not much use in doing any talking, is there? Scheming and thought, yes, but talking to a child—which may so easily degenerate into a nagging—no. And talking about him, in his presence should be frowned on when indulged in by others, and strictly banned from one's own conversation.