The Watchman And Southron

Letter From Guv
April 6th, 18 Hundred and Starve to Death.

What with the floods of rain and the floods of fertilizers that have been pouring into the land, it would seem, thus far, as though it may be a struggle to prevent this year from being appropriately dated as above. The Farmer Alliances can't help the rains but we had surely thought their influence would be to greatly reduce the amount of fertilizers used if only as a matter of principle, instead of which, from all we can learn there is an increased rather than diminished demand for the stuff.

Well somebody will make money and we suppose it will be all the same to the country in the end. The guano company will grow rich, and the factor and the merchants will grin and grow fat, and the farmer will grin and grow lean, while his lien grows larger.

Several popular papers have been discussing, through many issues the important question, "What's the matter with the farmer?" Quarts of writing fluid, printer's ink, stamps and envelopes must have been used in the discussion, while all the time the average farmer knows what's the matter just as easy. He wants money! The "demnition cash." As the Indian would say, "much, heap, plenty, long time, no interest, with the privilege. Great Vanderbilt Just ta think of the millions at the frigid North, the phlegmatic possessors of which am not happy. They seldom laugh, they never sing or whistle, they know nought of the pleasures of -er - whittling a goods box. We doubt if they ever indulge in the felicity of sitting on a goods box. They don't knock off even on a Saturday, and know nothing of the joyful "lay by'' time, the season of pic nics and base ball and fishing. And then to think of the vast deal of rural, rustic, umbrageous bliss in this Sunny South land of ours, and all going to waste for want of a fair share of those surplus millions. "It's hard if it's fair."

But' it's harder still to be told by these writers that the reason the farmer has no money is because he don't diversify his crops, and economize his expenditures and husband his resources and value his time. Don't they know that the 'contracts'' won't diversify worth a cent unless they are closely watched and directed and taught, and do they expect a man to stick around his farm all the year and never "lay by," and let this country and politics go to the "demnition bow wows," when he can just sign a mortgage and enjoy the diversions of life instead of diversifying crops? and it's so much easier as long as the mortgage lasts, and they are generally made tolerably substantial. We never heard of one wearing out yet, indeed they are sometimes so tough they wear the farm out. Would they have the farmer go back to the spinning wheel and lye gum and soap pot and raising meat and bread and keeping books? Don't they know that the factors and merchants attend to all that these days, and take a pleasure in it, and wait on 'em till fall, and only charge some for profit and some more for per cent., and a little more for commissions and a small amount for premium and a few requisites, and thus relieve the farmer of all care and- cash.

However, there are a great many farmers who expect to make better arrangements next year. They did expect to do so this year, but didn't have the money. There is some consolation in not having to tote around too much money. It is said that a million silver dollars will weigh nearly 30 tons. We don't know if this is so or not, never having handled that amount often enough to judge; but think we see now why those millionaires are not happy and don't whistle or sing. Now we'd like just to try a ton or two. We'll bet all we've got now, we could manage to whistle some and make the dollars whistle some too. Well, well, it is said that happiness consists mostly in anticipation. If so we ought to be mighty happy for we inherited lots of anticipation, but we've spent a good deal of it and aint got nigh so much now as we once had.

It has rained heretofore this Spring as though Apoll- we mean as though it might have been hired and paid for it by the day and night. It is, however, dry enough now and our lands are producing a large quantity of fine-dust.

Guv.

P. S.--We hear there are a folk or two who are quite curious to know what we are living on. We are living mostly on nourishment. the best we can get, taken internally. And now, if they will answer as satisfactorily why they are living on we'll call it square.

G.