East Saginaw Courier

Orpheus C. Kerr on Congress.
FROM WASHINGTON.
Editor T. T. :--The City of Washington, my boy, without her Congress,
is like a maiden without her plighted
young man. She surveys herself in the
mirror of the Potomac, and says she,
"Where's my Congress, without whom I
am like gas bracket deserted by its old
flame?" Alas! all flesh is gas, my boy,
and some of our Congressmen are very
fleshy. Their presence it is that makes
Washington a light of the world, and
many of them who once rode high
horses have alighted. At the present moment, our distracted country
is enveloped in darkest night, and the
day seems so far off that many Mackereels despair of ever seeing pay day, even.
At such a time, what a blessing is that
Congress which burns to illuminate us,
after the manner of an elaborate chandelier. It passes away to leave everything dark; it returns, and behold all
is darkey.
I was in my room, at my hotel, when
Congress commenced to arrive, conversing with Capt. Bob Shorty; and as
a seedy looking middle aged chap passed by on the opposite side of the street,
the Captain looked out of the window,
and says he :
"That's one of the new legislators,
my Pythias."
"How can you tell a new Solon from
an old one?" says I, curiously.
"Why," says Captain Bob Shorty
profoundly, "an old Congressman never
wears a tall hat. An old Congressman,"
says Capt Bob Shorty, sagely, "always
wears a soft hat, so that it won't be in-
jured by being knocked over his eyes."
I pondered deeply over this idea, my
boy, and it seemed to me that a soft hat
must be the real Cap of Liberty.
Passing over the organization of Senate and House, which suggested thoughts of ancient Rome, about the time she
was saved by geese, I shall proceed to
notice the message which our Honest
Abe fired into Congress from his intellectual breastworks during the week.
You may have undoubtedly read this
Abe L. paper, my boy, in the reliable
morning journals, making due allowance for the typographical outrages committed by printers of opposite politics; but
there was one portion of it gotten up
for the Honest Abe by the Chaplain of
the Mackerel Brigade, and this portion
is so mutilated in publishing that I cannot refrain from giving you the true
version. Speaking of the cost to the
country of emancipation with compensation, the Chaplain wrote :
"Certainly it is not so easy to pay
something as it is to pay nothing; but
it is easier to pay a small sum than it is
to pay a large sum, and it is easier to
pay any bill when we have the money
than it is to pay a smaller bill when we
have no money. Compensated Eman-
cipation requires no more money than
would be necessary to the progress of
Remunerated Enfranchisement, which
would not close before the end of five
hundred years. At that time we shall
undoubtedly have five hundred times as
many people as we have now, provided
that no one dies in the meantime; and
supposing the premium on gold to increase in the same ratio as it has increased since our last census was taken,
the premium on the specie belonging to
five hundred times our present population will be amply sufficient to pay for
all persons of African descent.
"I do not state this inconsiderately.
At the same ratio of increase as we
now realize, American gold will soon
be worth more than all Europe. We
have ten millions nine hundred and sixty-three thousand miles, while Europe
has three millions eight hundred thousand, and yet the average premium on
specie, in some of the States, is already
above that of Europe. Taking the
brokers, in the aggregate, I find that if
one gold dollar is worth $1.30 in one
year,
This shows a great increase. If a
gold dollar is worth $6.50 in five years,
it will of course be worth $3,250, or
five hundred times as much in five hundred years. Thus, when our population is five hundred times as great as at
present, supposing each man to have a
single gold dollar, the premium of $3,250 on his gold dollar will enable such
man to purchase thirty-two and a half
persons of African descent from the
loyal slaveholders of our Border States
at $100 a piece, though he would be
virtually expending but one dollar himself.
"This scheme of emancipation would
certainly make this war shorter than it
now has a prospect of being. In a
word, it shows that a dollar will be
much harder to pay for the war than
will be a dollar for emancipation on the
proposed plan."
You will observe, my boy, that this
same great mathematical idea is advanced in the message as it is printed ;
but our Honest Abe has chosen to vary
the terms somewhat. If you have a
gold dollar, my boy, salt it down for
five hundred years, and some future
generation of offspring will call you
blessed for leaving them $3,250 in postage stamps.
Yours, comparatively,
ORPHEUS C. KERR.
Stuffing is a good way to preserve
dead birds, but a poor way to preserve
a live person.

It will be worth $2 60 in 2 years,

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