Columbus Democrat

AMUSING STORY OF JUDGE CRANE

A good many years ago, there lived in Duchess county, New York, a gentleman by the name of Crane. He was very wealthy, and highly respected for his public and private virtues, especially for his charitableness to the poor; but he always dressed in a plain garb, and would hardly ever wear any overcoat, whatever the weather might be; and it was seldom that he rode when he went abroad, although he owned many good horses. On the establishment of the Supreme Court, he was appointed a judge of one of the circuits.

On the morning of the day in which the court was to begin, the Judge set out before day break, and walking gently on through hail, rain, and snow, to the appointed place. On arriving at Poughkeepsie, cold and wet, he walked to a tavern, where he found the lady and servants were making large preparations for the entertainment of the judges, lawyers, and other gentlemen, whom they expected to attend the circuit court.

The Judge was determined to have some sport, and in a pleasant tone addressed the landlady 'I have no money and was obliged to come to court, and I have walked through this dreadful storm twenty miles. I am wet and cold, dry and hungry. I want something to eat before court begins.' The landlady put herself into a majestic posture, and with a look of contempt, said to the judge. 'You say you are wet and cold, dry and hungry; how can all this be ?'

'Nay my dear madam' says the judge, 'I said that I was wet and cold, and if you had been out as long as I have been in the storm, I think you would likewise be wet and cold. I said that I wanted something to drink and eat.'

'But you have no money, you say;' retorted the landlady. 'I told you the truth,' says the Judge, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth ; but, were I as rich as Crœsus, I would be willing to work for something to eat and drink ; and were I as poor as Job, in his utmost calamities, and had my health and strength as I now have, I could willingly go to work a little while, if I could only get a good bite of good victuals.'

'Well, old daddy.' says she, 'how much do you want to drink ?' Half a gill of good brandy, madam, says he. 'Very well,' said she; 'I will give you half a gill, and some cold victuals if you will go into the back yard, and cut and split three trunkfulls of wood, and bring it into the kitchen, where the servants want to make a good fire to dry the gentlemen's overcoats when they come ; and after you get your victuals, I shall want you to go away.'
The Judge drank his brandy, went into the woodyard, and soon cut and laid by the kitchen fire, the required quantity of wood. The land lady placed a cold luncheon before him, remarking, that there it was. 'And it is almost as cold as myself,' said he, ' but not half so wet, for there is neither tea, coffee, nor chocolate to wet it.'

'Beggars must not be choosers,' said she. 'I am not begging of you, madam, but have paid the full price demanded I told you,' said she. 'I would give you cold victuals, and there is cold boiled ham, cold pork and beef, and cold potatoes, and if you want any thing hot, there is mustard and pepper, and there is good bread. good butter and cheese, and all good enough for such an old ragamuffin as you are.'

'It is all very good, said he, pleasantly, but, madam, be so good as to let me have some new milk, warm, right from the cow, to wet this good victuals.' 'The cows are not milked,' said she.

'Then let me have a bowl of cold milk,' said he 'I would not send the servants in this storm to the spring house to skim it for you,' said she.

'Dear madam.' said he with a pleasant smile 'I have a good wife at home older than you are, who would go out in a worse storm than this. milk the cows and bring the milk to the poorest man on earth, at his request ; or bring the milk from the spring house, cream and all, without skimming to feed the most abject of the human race.'
'You have a very good wife at home,' says she. 'Indeed I have,' said he, 'and she keeps my clothing clean and whole ; and notwithstanding you called me an old ragamuffin, I am not ashamed to appear abroad in the clothes I wear, in any good company.' 'Well, I must confess, says she, 'that when you have your broad-brimmed hat off, you look middling well ; but I wish you to be off, for we want the fire to dry the gentlemen's great coats and umbrellas by; and among the rest, we expect Judge Crane.'

'Judge Crane,' says he, 'who is Judge Crane'' 'The circuit Judge,' says she; one of the supreme judges, you old simpleton.'

'Well,' says he, 'I will bet a goose that Judge Crane has not had, and will not have, a great coat on his back, or an umbrella over his head to-day.' 'I care nothing for your bets,' said she, 'eat and be off': I tell you Judge Crane is to be here, and we have no room for you.'

'I don't care,' said he, ' one rye straw more for Judge Crane than I do for myself, and it has got to be so late, that if he has to come at this time of the day, he would be more likely to go to the court-house, and stay until dinner time. I know something about the old codger, and some people say he is a rusty, fusty, crusty old judge.'

'Pretty talk, indeed !' said the landlady, 'about the supreme judge.' Now eat and be off' '( tell you,'said. he 'Judge Crane is not the Supreme Judge, and if he were, he is not more fit to be a Judge than I am.' 'Well now, be off with yourself,' said she.

'Don't be in so great a hurry,' said he, mildly. 'I wish to know who is landlord here,and to know where he is.' 'He is the high sheriff of the county, and won't be home till night ; if he were here, you would not stay long.' 'Well madam., said he, 'give me a cup of cider to wet my victuals, if you won't give me milk' 'Not a drop,' says her ladyship.

The Judge, who had got pretty well warmed, and wished for his breakfast, now put on a stern countenance, and positively declared he would not leave the room and fire till he pleased. 'But,' added he 'if you will grant my request, I will eat and be off.'

The cider was immediately brought, and the judge partook heartily of the collation before him. He then took his broad-brimmed hat and quietly walked to the court house, where he found good fires and clean floors, and, during the court hours, he presided with dignity and propriety.

When the Judge withdrew, the landlady anxiously looked after him for some time, supposing him to be some poor man, summoned up to court as a witness, or some culprit, or some vagabond. who might give her further trouble, and expressed to her servants a desire that they would see that he did not disturb the gentlemen and the judges that might put up there.
To this some of the girls answered, that if he come they would return upon him some of the expressions which he used respecting Judge Crane. 'Let me see.' says one, 'rusty, crusty yes, and fusty old judge,' says another.

When the court was adjourned. the day being stormy and cold, the judges and lawyers poured into the sheriff's tavern, where they were sure of good fires and good fare.

Judge Crane went to a store and purchased a valuable shawl and put it in his pocket on the inside of his coat; he then walked slowly to the tavern While he was thus detained the landlady entered the dining room and earnestly inquired if Judge Crane had come: but the answer was, 'Not yet. madam, and perhaps he may not come.'

The landlady. who was anxious to pay the highest respect to the supreme judge. retired to the kitchen : not a little disappointed In the mean time the Judge arrived, and being at proper times very sociable. and at all times fond of cheering the minds of those present, he began to tell some lively anecdotes which set the whole company into a roar of laughter.

At this instant, one of the waiting maids entered the room, to inform the gentlemen that they might sit down to dinner. She did her errand, and hastened back to her mistress with the tidings. that 'the old fusty fellow, with his broad brimmed hat on, was right among the bare headed gentlemen, talking as loud as he could, and all the judges and lawyers were laughing at him.'

'Then go,' said she, and whisper to the old man, that I wish him to come into the kitchen.' The errand was done accordingly, and the judge, in a low voice, said to the girl, 'tell your mistress I have a little business to do with these lawyers, and when that is done I'll be off' in the course of two or three days.'

The girl returned and faithfully rehearsed the message, and added, that she believed the old fellow was drunk, or he would not have said, ' as soon as my business is done, I'll be off in two or three days.'

'Well Betty,' says the mistress, 'go back and stand by the head of the table, and when the gentlemen begins to sit down, do you whisper to some of them, that I wish a vacant place left at the head of the table for Judge Crane, and then do you hasten back and see that John has the cider and other things in good order.'

Betty again repaired to her post, at the head of the table, and softly informed a gentleman of the request of her mistress. 'Certainly,' said the gentleman; and Betty hastened back to assist John. The gentlemen now sat down to an excellent repast, and after a short address to the Throne of Grace delivered by Judge Crane, the company carved and served round in the usual form
But as the Judge was of a singular turn in almost every thing, and had taken a fancy, that. if a person eats high food, and that which is more solid, at the same meal, the high food should be eaten first : he therefore filled his plate with some pudding made of milk, rice and eggs, and placing his left elbow on the table, and his head near the plate. began to eat according to his custom, which was very fast, although he was not a great eater.

Some of the gentlemen near the Judge, followed his example, as to partaking of the pudding before the meat. A large, deep vessel, which contained that article, was nearly emptied, when Mary approached with two additional tureens of gravy, according to the command of her mistress, and, as she set down the last near the Judge, he says to her, in austere manner, 'Girl, bring me a clean plate to eat some salad on.'

The abrupt manner in which he addressed her, so disconcerted the poor girl, that she did not observe that any one excepting the Judge had partaken of the pudding, nor did she know what he meant by salad ; but she observed that the large pudding pan was empty, and then hastened back with the utmost speed to her mistress and addressed her thus :

'Oh, ma'am, that old fellow's there yet, and he is certainly crazy or drunk, for he is down at the table, and has eaten more than a skippel of the rice pudding already., and he told me, as if he was lord of the manor, to bring him a clean plate to eat salad on.' 'Bless me, where can he get salad this time of year? And the gentlemen have not done carving, and not one has begun to eat meat yet, I dare say. Oh, I'll clear him out,' said the mistress, and she started for the dining room.

The Judge was remarkable for not giving unnecessary trouble to any body where he put up, and generally ate whatever was set before him, without making any remarks, and seldom made use of more than one plate at a meal ; but at this time he observed near him a beautiful dish of raw white cabbage, which the Low Dutch at Poughkeepsie call cold slaw, and which he called salad , and he wished for a separate plate to prepare some of it to his own taste.
The carving and serving of the meat were not yet finished, when he requested a clean plate, and when the landlady arrived at the door, and fixed her keen eyes on the Judge he, turning his eye that way and observing her, mildly said, 'Landlady, can I have a clean plate to eat some salad on?'

'A clean plate and salad !' retorted the landlady, indignantly. ' I wish you would come into the kitchen until the gentlemen have dined; I had reserved that seat for Judge Crane.'

The company were struck with astonishment, and fixed their eyes alternately on the landlady and on the Judge, and sat or stood in mute suspense, when the Judge replied, 'You reserved this seat for Judge Crane, did you, landlady ?'

'Indeed I did,' says she. 'It was very kind,' he then answered; but if you will step to the door and see if he is coming, or send one of the servants to call him, with your permission and the approbation of these gentlemen, with whom I have some business to do, I will occupy this seat till you have found the Judge.'

'Find the Judge!' said she with emphasis; 'go look for him yourself, not send me nor my servants. I gave you your breakfast this morning for chopping a little wood, because you said you had no money : and I expected you would go away, and now you must come here to disturb these gentlemen at dinner.'

Here the whole joke burst upon the minds of the persons present, who fell into a loud fit of laughter. After the tumult had a little subsided, the Judge mildly asked, 'Did I chop wood to pay for my breakfast?' 'Indeed you did,' said she, 'and said you had no money.'
'I told you the whole truth,' replied the Judge; but I have a shawl here worth more than ten dollars. which I just now bought, and I will leave it with you in pawn. if you will only let me eat my dinner with these gentlemen.' Here the gentlemen were biting their lips to keep from laughter.

'How did you buy a shawl worth more than ten dollars without money?' 'I bought it on a credit.' says he. 'And where did you find credit to that amount ?' said she. 'I bought it from home,' said he. 'That's a likely story, and something like your abuse of Judge Crane this morning.' said she—' How could I abuse the Judge if he was not present ?' asked he. 'Why,' replied she, ' you called him rusty, fusty, old judge. and said you did not care a rye straw more for him than you did for yourself.'

Here the whole company were in an uproar of laughter again. But as soon as it had subsided a little, one of the gentlemen asked the lady how she knew that the gentleman she was addressing was not Judge Crane? 'He Judge Crane! Ho looks more like a snipe than a crane.'

Here the loud laughter burst forth a third time. After a little pause, the Judge said ' I must confess I am not a bird of very fine feathers. but I am a crane, and a crane is often a very useful instrument , I saw a very good one in your kitchen this morning.'

Before she had time to reply, some gentleman, with whom she was acquainted, assured the landlady that she was talking with the presiding judge. Astonished and confused, she attempted some excuse, and hastily asked his pardon for her rudeness.

The Judge had, by this time, unobserved, taken the shawl from his pocket, and with a subdued smile, advanced a few steps towards the landlady saying. 'It is out of my province to pardon, but it is my business to judge ; I therefore decree that you and I judge, also that you will, without hesitation, receive this shawl as a present.' adding, 'Take it, madam, and do not attempt to return it, or it was purchased on purpose for a present for you.' She hastily retired in confusion, shawl with her of course bearing no malice towards the Judge. hardly knowing what she did, but taking the good things.

And here were three parties who had each two good things. The landlady had a good lesson to meditate upon, which was this—do not too hasty in judging ill of a person from a rough outside : the gentlemen had a good dinner, and a good joke to talk over; and the Judge had good intentions in the joke, and ability to follow up the lesson given.