South Branch Intelligencer

From the New England Galaxy.

EASY JOE BRUCE.

"The devil!" exclaimed Mr. Joseph Bruce, or perhaps we should rather say Joe Bruce,--for as he was a noble, easy fellow, nobody thought of allowing him half a name, or of any thing else which belonged to him.--"The devil! I see by the paper that Hawk and Harpy have assigned, I meant to have secured my debt yesterday!" He left his coffee half drank, stumbled over the threshold, and went almost on a run to the counting room of Hawk and Harpy. One half of that speed the day before would have saved his debt, as it was, he was just in season to put on his name at the bottom of a dozen and a half preferred ones to receive ten per cent. He went back to his unfinished breakfast with what appetite he might.

"Why did you neglect this so long, Mr. Bruce?" said his helpmate and comforter.

"I meant to have attended to it yesterday my dear."

"You meant, that is always your way Mr. Bruce. You carelessly neglect your business to the very last moment and then put yourself in a haste and heat for nothing, my dear."

"Really Mrs. Bruce--"

But Mrs. Bruce did not allow him a chance to defend himself. On she went, in the most approved conjugal manner, to berate him for his carelessness and inattention.

"Really Mrs. Bruce--"

And it was really Mrs. Bruce, for few of the feminine, and none of the masculine gender could have kept pace with her. Certainly easy Joe Bruce could have not. The clatter of a cotton-mill-would not have been a circumstance to the din she raised-nay we doubt whether a philippic against one of those said mills from the lungs of Benton Tonans could have been heard above her voice: Easy Joe pulled a cigar case out of his pocket-clapped his feet on the fender-and it almost seemed that the smoke rendered his ears impervious to the bleatings of that gentle lamb, his spouse, so placid was his countenance as the vapor escaped in graceful volumes from his mouth.--

But people overshoot the mark sometimes; Mrs. Bruce certainly did.--Had she spared her oration the morning's loss would have induced her husband to have been punctual to his business, for one day, at least. As it was, he took the same sort of pride in neglecting it under her lecture, that the Grand Nation will probably take in refusing to pay the claims of our citizens.

"Breeze away, Mrs. Bruce!"

"Breeze away sir! Breeze away! I wish I could impart one tittle of my energy to you. Mr. Bruce--II-a"

"Dn-t--n, Madam."

As Bruce sprang to his feet, crash! came an elegant mantel clock down upon the hearth.

"There Mr. Bruce! that clock has stood there three months without fastening-a single screw would have saved it-but--"

"Well, I meant to--"

"You meant Mr. Bruce-- You meant won't pay the damage, nor Hawk and Harpy's note! You meant! indeed I'"

Bruce seized his hat and cloak. In a few minutes he was on 'change. Nobody could read in his face any traces of the late matrimonial breeze, and no body would have suspected from his countenance that Hawk and Harpy failed in his debt. Easy Joe Bruce.

"Well Mr. Bruce they've routed him."

"Who?"

"Our friend Check. Hingree was chosen President of the-Bank, this morning: one vote would have stopped him."

"How decently unlucky. I meant to have been present to vote for Check myself?"

"Never mind, Bruce," said another.

"You are a lucky man. The news of the great fire in Speederville has just reached town by express, and I congratulate you that you was fully insured."

"The devil! My policy expired last week, and I meant to have it renewed this morning."

Joe posted home in no very happy humor.--When an easy man is fairly up, he is the most uneasy and unreasonable man in creation.

"Mrs. Bruce, by staying at home to hear you scold I have lost thousands. I meant to have got insured this morning--I did not Speederville is burnt down and I am a beggar,"

"Why did you not do it yesterday Mr. Bruce?"

"I was thinking of Hawk and Harpy."

"Thinking! Why did you not secure yourself?"

"I MEANT TO, but--."

"But--me no buts."

"You are in excellent spirits, Mrs. Bruce,"

"Never in better."

"Vastly fine Madam. We--"

Mrs. Bruce sat down, clapped her feet on the fender after her husband's manner in the morning

"We are beggars, Madam," Bruce replied.

"Very good--I will take my guitar, and you shall shoulder the three children. We'll play under Mr. Hawk's window first, and then under Mr. Harpy's and then beg our way to Speederville to play to ashes of what was once your factory --which you MeAnT to have insured. I should like begging of all things.'"

"You abominable woman, I shall go mad."

"Don't. I beseech you. Mr. Bruce. They put mad beggars in Bedlam.'"

Bruce sprang for the door. His wife intercepted him. "Here, Joseph, is a paper I meant to have showed you this morning.'"

"A policy and dated yesterday!"

"Yes. You MeanT to get it renewed to-day--I meant it should be done yesterday-I told your clerk. for you to do it. Am I not an abominable woman?"

"When I said so I was in a pet, I MEANT--"

"No more of that Joseph. Now tell me who is first on Hawk and Harpy's assignment.'"

"Your brother. I wish I had your energy or even his."

"His claim covers you both.'"

"You are an angel!"

Easy Joe became an altered man, and his wife was released from her watch over his out door business.