The Virginia Gazette

The Principles and PRACTICE of FREETHINKERS.

THE Religion of Freethinkers, which makes so much Noise in the World, and is every Day increasing, is a Production of our Age, unknown to the Ancients, and seems to be composed of the four Religions now reigning; and first, Of Paganism, from whence it borrows the Adoration of a Multitude of Divinities; such as good Cheer, good Wine, fine Women, Musick, Dancing, publick Diversions, Gaming, in fine every Thing that conveys Pleasure to the Senses.

Of Judaism, from which it derives its Hatred and Aversion for all piously well disposed Christians, and the turning their Devotions into Ridicule.

Mahometanism has furnished it with a Paradise of voluptuous Banqueting Houses, or Taverns and Bagnios, and taught its Votaries to place their Beatitude in terrestrial Pleasures. Lastly,

Of Christianity, it preserves the Baptism: as to all the other Articles of the Christian Faith, the Disciples of this Religion look on them as pious Frauds, invented to enslave the Rights of the Populace.

The numerous Adherents to this flourishing Sect believe in Nothing but what is agreeable to their corrupt Appetites, their unruly Wills and Affections.

The Devil is their Archbishop, the Demons that preside over the several Vices their Bishops, the Tavern their Church, and the Coffee-House their Chapel; their Lent is the Conversation of pious good People, and their publick Penance the hearing of a Sermon; their Bible is a Pack of Cards, the four Kings of which supply the Place of our four Evangelists; the seven mortal Sins are the moral Virtues, and a Declaration of Love serves them in Room of Confession; their Psalms are the new Songs that are sung at the publick Gardens, the Playhouses, and the Opera-House; and their Alms the Presents they make to Pimps, Bawds, and young Whores; publick Worship fatigues them, and Evening Prayers are an irreparable Loss of Time; a Playbill is their Collect for the Day, Gazettes and Chronicles are their Epistles, and Romances their Gospels; their Mouths are Magazines of impertinent Trifles, and their Ears are ever open to receive all absurd idle Stories against the true Religion and its Professors; the History of the Martyrs they esteem as a mere Fable, and look on the whole History of the Fall of Man as a Romance; Money is one of the principal Pillars of Religion, and Poverty is accounted an unpardonable Vice; the Praises and Commendations they bestow on their Dexterity, Address and Prowess, in the Gratifications of their Passions, are palmed on the Young for the Acts of the Apostles; their blessed Souls are the choice Spirits, the Sons of Comp, and their Guardian Angels Vintners and their Waitresses as for your poor Priests, some esteem them Drones that suck the Honey the industrious Bee has accumulated; others call them black and white Magpies, and others again celestial Asses.

In fine, as they spend their Youth in the Service of the World, the Flesh, and the Devil; and Age at last, forwarded in by Debauchery, and handed in by Infirmity, renders them unfit for further Service in this World Lucifer against their Death, out of Gratitude, prepares them an Hospital, one of the warmest and most comfortable Situations in all his wide extended Dominion.