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Story
April 1, 1876
The Cairo Bulletin
Cairo, Alexander County, Illinois
What is this article about?
Insurance agent Benjamin P. Gunn visits Mr. Smith to sell life insurance, but his phrasing leads Smith to believe Gunn intends to murder him, resulting in a comedic misunderstanding and no policy sold.
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MR. GUNN.
How He Took Smith's Life.
(Philadelphia Bulletin)
The life insurance agent, Benjamin P. Gunn, the other day, heard that old Mr. Smith had no insurance upon his life; so Gunn concluded to drop in to see him.
Smith had no acquaintance with Gunn, and when the latter entered the office he introduced himself by saying:
"Mr. Smith, I called to see if I could take your life."
"Wh-wh-what d'you say?" exclaimed Smith, in some alarm.
"I say that I've come to take your life. My name is Gunn. As soon as I heard you were unprotected, that you had nothing on your life, I thought I would just run in and settle the thing for you at once."
Then Smith got up and went to the other side of the table, and said to himself:
"It's a lunatic who has broken out of the asylum. He'll kill me if I hollos or run. I must humor him."
Then Mr. Gunn, fumbling in his pocket after his mortality tables, followed Smith around the room and said to him:
"You can choose your own plan, you know. It's immaterial to me. Some like one way, and some like another. It's a matter of taste. Which do you prefer?"
"I'd rather not die at all," said Smith, in despair.
"But you've got to die, of course," said Gunn, "that's a thing there is no choice about. All I can do is to make death easy for you; to make you feel happy as you go off. Now, which plan will you take?"
"Couldn't you postpone it until to-morrow, so as to give me time to think?"
"No; I prefer to take you on the spot. I might as well do it now as any other time. You have a wife and children?"
"Yes, and I think you ought to have some consideration for them and let me off."
"Well, that's a curious kind of an argument," said Gunn. "When I take you your family will be perfectly protected, of course, and not otherwise."
"But why do you want to murder me?"
"Murder you! Murder you! Who in the thunder's talking about murdering you?"
"Why, didn't you say"
"I called to get you to take out a life insurance policy, and I—"
"Oh, you did, did you?" said Smith, suddenly becoming fierce. "Well I ain't going to do it, and I want you to skip out of this office, or I'll brain you with the poker. Come now, skip!"
Then Mr. Gunn withdrew without selling a policy, and Smith is still uninsured.
How He Took Smith's Life.
(Philadelphia Bulletin)
The life insurance agent, Benjamin P. Gunn, the other day, heard that old Mr. Smith had no insurance upon his life; so Gunn concluded to drop in to see him.
Smith had no acquaintance with Gunn, and when the latter entered the office he introduced himself by saying:
"Mr. Smith, I called to see if I could take your life."
"Wh-wh-what d'you say?" exclaimed Smith, in some alarm.
"I say that I've come to take your life. My name is Gunn. As soon as I heard you were unprotected, that you had nothing on your life, I thought I would just run in and settle the thing for you at once."
Then Smith got up and went to the other side of the table, and said to himself:
"It's a lunatic who has broken out of the asylum. He'll kill me if I hollos or run. I must humor him."
Then Mr. Gunn, fumbling in his pocket after his mortality tables, followed Smith around the room and said to him:
"You can choose your own plan, you know. It's immaterial to me. Some like one way, and some like another. It's a matter of taste. Which do you prefer?"
"I'd rather not die at all," said Smith, in despair.
"But you've got to die, of course," said Gunn, "that's a thing there is no choice about. All I can do is to make death easy for you; to make you feel happy as you go off. Now, which plan will you take?"
"Couldn't you postpone it until to-morrow, so as to give me time to think?"
"No; I prefer to take you on the spot. I might as well do it now as any other time. You have a wife and children?"
"Yes, and I think you ought to have some consideration for them and let me off."
"Well, that's a curious kind of an argument," said Gunn. "When I take you your family will be perfectly protected, of course, and not otherwise."
"But why do you want to murder me?"
"Murder you! Murder you! Who in the thunder's talking about murdering you?"
"Why, didn't you say"
"I called to get you to take out a life insurance policy, and I—"
"Oh, you did, did you?" said Smith, suddenly becoming fierce. "Well I ain't going to do it, and I want you to skip out of this office, or I'll brain you with the poker. Come now, skip!"
Then Mr. Gunn withdrew without selling a policy, and Smith is still uninsured.
What sub-type of article is it?
Curiosity
Deception Fraud
What themes does it cover?
Deception
What keywords are associated?
Life Insurance
Misunderstanding
Humorous Sales Pitch
Insurance Agent
What entities or persons were involved?
Benjamin P. Gunn
Mr. Smith
Where did it happen?
Office
Story Details
Key Persons
Benjamin P. Gunn
Mr. Smith
Location
Office
Story Details
Benjamin P. Gunn, a life insurance agent, visits Mr. Smith to sell a policy but his wording causes Smith to fear for his life, leading to a humorous chase and failed sale.