The Patowmac Guardian, And Berkeley Advertiser

Two Ears at a time, are too many for Life,
When they're only the inlets of strife:
But few there are found who (tho' wise) would render life
To possess these fair Organs of Life.
Yet Deafness sometimes of advantage is found.
2. Misfortunes may turn to a blessing;
For when Nonsense distracts, or when tumults surround,
They then lose the pow'r of distressing.
Hence I am wisely taught to be deaf of one Ear,
While the other for Life I employ,
One gate I shut up against trouble and care,
And the other keep open for joy.
When my consort begins her loud windpipe to clear,
When a peal wou'd the world rend asunder,
Serenely I sit, and cock my deaf ear,
Unmov'd 'midst the roar of the thunder.
T'other day comes a dun--with good Sir! You well know
What say you?--Speak louder a little.
You know, Sir: you borrow'd three twelve months ago--
Alas! Friend I can't hear a tittle.
You owe me ten pounds: Then louder he cries,
And repeats it as strong as he can;
I point to my Ears, and lift up my eyes,
Till he hardly can think me the Man.
I as grave as a Don cry "My hearing quite lost."
And my money (says he too) I fear:
Pox on him! 'Tis folly to talk to a Post,
So he leaves me as mad as a hare.
Thus my life night and day in safe indolence flows,
Scolding, dunning nor brawling I fear.
Ye married men all, as ye wish for repose,
Be sure to be deaf of one Ear.