The New Hampshire Gazette

FROM AN ENGLISH PAPER.

THE NEWS PAPER.

Is truth, with deference to the college,
To News-Papers are the springs of
Knowledge;
The general source, throughout the nation,
Of every modern conversation,
What would this mighty people do,
If there, alas! was nothing new?
A News-Paper is like a feast,
Some dish there is for every guest;
Some large, some small, some wrong, some tender,
For every stomach, stout or slender,
Those who roast-beef and ale delight in,
Are pleased with trumpets, drums and fighting:
For those who are more puny made,
Are arts, and sciences, and trade:
For fanciful and amorous blood,
We have a soft poetic flood:
For witty and satiric folks,
High-seasoned, acid, bitter jokes:
And when we strive to please the mob,
A jest, a quarrel, or a job.
If any Gentleman wants a wife,
(A partner, as 'tis termed for life)
An advertisement answers well,
And quickly brings the pretty BELLE,
If you want health, consult our pages;
You shall be well, and live for ages:
Our empirics, to get them bread,
Do every thing but raise the dead,
Lands may be had, if they are wanted
Houses for sale, or to be rented:
Ships, shops, of every shape and form,
Carriages, horses, servants swarm;
No matter whither good or bad,
We tell you where they may be had.
Our services you can't express,
The good we do you hardly guess;
There's not a want of human kind,
But we a remedy can find.
Now since 'tis plain we are so clever,
'Tis strange our Court combine together,
To bring upon us swift destruction,
And keep our readers from instruction.