New Orleans Republican

How Artemus Engaged an Agent.

"Gris" tells the following:

When in 1863 Ward conceived the idea of making a lecture tour through California-a great undertaking in those days-he engaged the writer to accompany him as agent, offering a salary that made the insignificant pay of a Cleveland local blush with shame. Not knowing that lecturers, and especially humorists, have a way of engaging every man as agent who professes a desire to travel, I made all preparation to go, resigned my situation, and anxiously awaited my summons.

As I waited, various articles of furniture were sold to pay expenses. I ate up my stove, I remember, and think I drank up my bureau. At length, when nearly everything had gone, I learned that Ward had gone too, taking another agent. I was naturally incensed, and resolved there would be a severe settlement when next we met. I rehearsed the anticipated scene frequently, and resolved just how I would go to work to annihilate him.

Our meeting was in New York, in July, 1864. I had heard of his return from California, and was prepared to empty the vials of my wrath upon his head. We accidentally run against each other on Broadway.

My slumbering indignation flamed up at once. I thought of the cook stove I had devoured, and the various articles of household furniture I had drank up, and was about to go for him, when Ward suddenly rushed forward and grasping me warmly by the hand, exclaimed: "Why, Gris, how are you? When did you get back from California?"

As I looked at him, speechless with amazement, he continued: They told me you came home 'around the horn,' but I never knew you to go around a horn yet—join me."

Now, Ward had a very persuasive way of locking his arm into another's, and in a momentary fit of weakness I-I went.

"Ward," said I, sternly, "I owe you a licking on account of that California agency business, but will put it off until we drink."

"Put it off as long as you are a mind to," replied Ward, in a tone of generous accommodation, as though I was speaking about returning him a loan. "If you owe me a licking pay it when you get ready. I'm in no hurry. Don't care if you never pay it."

Numerous were the unavailing efforts that I made to bring Ward to a settlement. When I would commence: Now, Artemus, about that California business" -he would interrupt-"Oh, never mind that whipping. No hurry at all. Send it to me through the mail-or telegraph it."