The Portland Gazette

MR. SHIRLEY,

The following old fashioned irony, portrays some inattentive people in the licentious times of Charles 2. If it applies to any of us at the present day, the publication will not be thought unreasonable. - If not, I hope it will not be deemed amiss. - Yours, A. Z.

Sundry rules not to be observed by the good people of S. in ye county of Surrey, composed this yeare 1667.

1. Be careful that thou go not to anie place where the holy Scriptures are used to be read: for such was the custom of the Jewes of old : and though such practice was approved by our blessed Lord and his holy apostles, and is still by some called profitable for instruction in righteousnesse, yet in these wilde daies we are free of that thraldome, and may dispense with part or all of God's worde as we see fit : and none but fanatics and the hierarchie do use the same.

2. When thou enterest the sanctuary, be sure thou come not as the puritans do, with anie seeming reverence to the lord of the place.

3. Let thy seat be fixed with hinges, that thou mayest raise it up, and anon let it fall down againe with a loud noise.

4. Kneel not at praiers : for I do affirme that such superstition belongs only to fanatics and enthusiasts; except, forsooth, the Romish and Episcopal way of worship, together with the Greek Church and the followers of Luther, with sundrie Calvinists, which vainly think themselves to have warrant in holy writ for the same, by the example of David, Solomon, Daniel, and divers others, and by the practice of our blessed Saviour and his holy apostles,

5. When the praises of God are sung, then do thou stick fast to thy seat : for albeit thou wouldest unconsciously and of thine own accord stand up to do honor and praise to the magistrate or prince whom thou regardest with reverential love, or whose power thou fearest and whose good will thou wouldest obtain: yet, seeing thou fearest not God, neither lovest him in thine heart, so be careful that thou do him no external honour. In this also thou shalt shew thyself to be no Churchman, unless, truly of a Church which neglecteth to observe its own rubricke, And when so much of the psalm is sung as that thou canst remember the rest, then do thou shut up thy book and lay it down with noise and clatter: for so thou shalt drown the voice of much praise.

6. As soon as thou canst divine that the minister hath drawn his praier mostly to an end, and is near ascribing glory and blessing and honor to Him that sitteth on the throne and to the Lamb forever, then do thou begin to move about and throw down thy seate : for thus thou shalt merge the voice of the minister, and shalt not as an hypocrite, ascribe aloud to God that honor which thine outward life and conduct do deny him ; nor shalt thou hear in this life that ascription of praise, which mayhap thou wouldest not desire to hear in the life hereafter.

7. When, after the sermon, the priest is about to bless thee in the name of Christ, then be sure thou throw open the doore of thypewe, and take thy hat, and make what other noise thou mayest: that so thou catch not the sound of the words : and then do thou cover thyself, and rush quickly out of the place where praier is wont to be made, in such wise, as, if thou continue a despiser of God's worde, peradventure thou mayest rush from the presence of Jesus at that aw ful worde "depart," in the world to come.

Thy assured wellwisher,

B. J.