The New Hampshire Gazette

Miscellany.
From the Boston Atlas.
LIFTING THE CURTAIN.
Hercules found it an easy task to cut off the heads
of a Hydra; had he been a modern editor, he
would have found it more difficult to please that
Hydra, the public, than to kill it. To give that
large portion of the world who call themselves sub-
scribers, a taste of my experience as an editor I
think it will be rendering a service to both of these
numerous and distinct classes.

I.
'Good morning, Mr. Goosequill.
'Ah! good morning, Mr. Boreall. I am vastly
glad to see you, I can't ask you to take a chair,
for I believe there is not a whole one in the office—
there's a stool, however, with three legs and with
a little effort at balancing, you can make yourself
comfortable.'
'Oh no matter—I can stand, Mr. Goosequill. I
only called in to say a word or two about an article
in your paper to-day, that I am afraid may do you
some mischief.
'I'm always happy to hear the opinion of my
friends, Mr. Boreall; being a good deal in the
world, and having their own business to look after,
I think they have infinitely better means of judging
in regard to affairs than I have.
'You're right, you're right Mr. Goosequill. Having so many things to think about, you can't be ex-
pected to be right always.'
'Out of the question Mr. Boreall—and when we
can avail ourselves of the advice of such intelligent
and able counsellors as yourself, Mr. Boreall,'
'O, you flatter me. To be sure, there are some
things.—however, you understand. What I was going to say was, that some of my friends think you
are a little too violent—rather rash—sometimes—
that is to say, not always so considerate'—with a
wave of the hand and an insinuating smile.
I nodded acquiescence.
'Now the attack this morning on Mr. Weather-
cock, I am anxious you should not misunderstand me.
I know as well as you do that Mr. Weathercock is
a great trimmer—a decided trimmer—and not to be
at all depended upon—but then Mr. Weathercock
has a good many friends—and he is not to be trifled
with.
Certainly, Mr. Boreall. Your notions are very
just—and I will bear them in mind. I am much
indebted to them for your kindness.'
I would not be understood, Mr. Goosequill—that
is, I would not have you think—that I have a bit better opinion of Mr. Weathercock than you have—but
prudence though, Mr. Goosequill—prudence in poli-
tics—that's my motto.'
I see you understand the matter, Mr. Boreall.'
and bowed the gentleman out of the door. And
Mr. Boreall went away full of the idea that he was
an immense politician, and exercised a salutary in-
fluence over the Press

II.
'Are you the editor of the Boston Luminary?'
I am, sir.
Well, sir, I wish you would stop my paper.'
Please hand your name to the clerk, sir.'
I like your paper pretty well, sir—that is, it's
well printed; but you give us so much of the plaguey politics that I can't stand it.'
Many tastes, you know, Mr. Raw—different
tastes to be consulted'—
Yes, but it's too bad. Aunt Dorothy says you
don't give half so many Deaths and Marriages as
the Firefly—and as for murders, and the real horri-
ble accidents—you haven't given a first rate murder
these three weeks.'
That's true, though we can't control such things.
The market has been very dull in those articles for
some weeks—but I have engaged a new hand, who
promises a capital crime every week—and a bloody
accident, every day.'
But the deaths and marriages'—
Well as soon the ship news collector gets a little
more leisure, I intend to employ him in hunting up
all the interesting nuptials and burials that take place
—he's a great hand at it, and will turn out for your
aunt Dorothy a most valuable assortment.'
Johnny Raw started. He thought, however, he
should try the Firefly a little while, because there
were so many deaths and marriages, 'and things of
the kind' in it, that his aunt thought it the best pa-
per in the country.

III.
Enter Tom Touchmenot in a rage. 'How are
you Mr. Touchmenot?'
Did you receive that communication that I left
for you, Mr. Goosequill?
What, the account of the mammoth squash?
Yes, sir—more than a column and a half, sir,
about one of the most interesting natural phenom-
ena that ever excited the attention of the curious.
Professor Lexicon read it before his class, sir, and
did not hesitate to pronounce it one of the most entertaining and philosophical papers that were ever
devoted to the investigation of the arcana of science.
'I have read your paper, Mr. Touchmenot—that
is, I read the title and was afraid that it was a little too long'—
Then let me tell you, Mr. Goosequill, that I do
not think you devote a sufficiently large portion of
your columns to topics of philosophical interest.—
There's your foreign news—all about France and
England—you don't scruple to give a column and a
half to foreign news—and permit me to say that if
you think your readers are more entertained and instructed by your markets—and your stocks—and
your talk about Cabinets across the Atlantic than
they are about the wonderful productions of our
own soil, you are very much deceived.'
I am afraid that your squash will have to be
crowded out at present—but if it's a crooked-neck
vegetable, I can hang it up till I find more room'—
Mr. Touchmenot rose in a passion—swore that
the love of truth and philosophy had been banished
from the face of the earth, and imprecating all the
curses of science on the Luminary and its editor,
threatened our joint extinguishment.

IV.
'Is the editor in?' asked a tall, stout, double fisted fellow, with a cane large enough for the walking
stick of a Cyclops.
'You have the honor of addressing him,' I replied
quietly—not more than half liking the incipient insolence of his manner.
Did you write that article?' with a terrible emphasis on the that.
Here Jowler, here, and a large black dog that
I kept for customers of this kind, rose, shook himself and stalked with dignity to my chair. Down
Jowler,' and he placed himself composedly by my
side.
What article, sir?'
This article, sir, on the Drama—in which you
say that the melo-drama of the 'Blasting Thunder-
bolt' is a disgrace to the stage?'
'I can't say that I did, Sir—though on my word
I should have been pleased to say that I was the
author of it.'
Who did write it then?
That's my affair, and not yours; I have no
doubt it's all right. At any rate, sir, I am responsible for the paragraph.
'Well, sir, I am a friend of the author of that most
excellent play—and you must either come out in to-
morrow's paper, and say that the 'Blasting Thunder-
bolt' is not a disgrace to the stage, or I must require
satisfaction.'
'You are at liberty to make requisition.'
Then sir, how will you set it? 'Time and place
if you please, and—'
Certainly, sir, but I settle all these matters by
proxy. There's a stout Argan who turns the
wheel of my printing-press, and undertakes all the
jobs for me at a very small increase of his usual wa-
ges. Mich, run up stairs and call Casar.'
'I don't understand this all.'
I can't converse a longer with you. Here's Cas-
sar, and you must arrange the preliminaries with
him.'
The tall stranger grew pale.
Cesar and Jowler shew their teeth and on
encouragement from his master, Jowler grew a young earthquake. Exit stranger much astonished, and not a
little alarmed; that was the last ever heard or saw
of the Blasting Thunderbolt.