The New Hampshire Gazette And Historical Chronicle

A Whimsical WILL.
SINCE Youth and Age must quite the
Stage,
And, either soon or late,
By Death be hurl'd out of the World ;
So stern's the Will of Fate !
I, In the Prime of Health and Time,
Without Regret, divide,
And frankly share, what I must spare,
As Reason deigns to guide.
Imprimis. To the wrangling Crew
Of Catchpoles and Attornies,
I leave my Feet, so light, and fleet.
To speed them on their Journies:
And, as I know their Fund's so low,
I. to their other Talents,
Add Scruples three of Honesty,
Their dark Accounts to balance.
In this Bequest, above the rest,
I had been more profuse ;
But that, 'tis plain, one single Grain
Is more than e'er they use.
To thirty Sots, I leave full Pots
Of Water mix't with Gall ;
And, what's far worse, an empty Purse;
And Credit sunk withal.
To Coquets nice; this sage Advice
I leave, to all their Clan,
To lay aside their empty Pride,
And marry when they can.
To formal Prudes, whom Love excludes,
Despair and rotten Teeth ;
Wrinkles, grey Hairs, and all the Cares
Old Maids are pepper'd with.
The Dastard's Part, shall be my Heart,
My Fortitude, and Spirit ;
And such as fret, and oft take Pet,
My Patience shall inherit.
The beauteous Fair, My Love shall share,
Who's virtuous, true, and loyal :
The rest I leave, Rakes to deceive,
And stand the old Maid's Trial.
Such Tools of State, whom public Hate
Has wrapp'd in dark Disguise,
Who grasp at Pow'r, and Wealth devour,
To Justice I devise.
Each noisy Scold, who, uncontroul'd
By Reason, can't be civil,
But din Mankind, I leave consign'd
To Bedlam or the D-
T: COSMOP: