Nashville Union And American

FLANKING A SALARY GRABBER.

Col. Ozro J. Dodds, late member of Congress from the First District of Ohio, tells a good story about a call he recently received at his office, from a man who claimed to be an editor from Arkansas. He was a very seedy looking chap, and appeared as though he had but recently come off from about a six weeks' spree. Bowing profoundly, then striking an attitude, with one hand on his heart and the other extending a badly used plug hat, he exclaimed, with a dramatic air:

"Have I the honor of addressing the Honorable Ozro J. Dodds?"

Said the Colonel, "My name is Dodds, but I am no longer an honorable."

"Not an honorable! Dodds not an honorable! Now, by Saint Paul, when I scan that honest face, on which all the gods at once do seem to set their seal ('green seal,' murmured Dodds to himself) I read nothing dishonorable."

"That's right," said Dodds, "never read anything dishonorable. But to business."

"Yes, as you say, to business. I am a printer—I might say, with no unbecoming blush, an editor. I am from the noble State of Arkansaw, the only State, by the way, able and willing to support two Governors at the same time. But I have been unfortunate. Much have I been tossed through the ire of cruel Juno and—"

"Juno how it is yourself," broke in the Colonel.

"Buffetted by the world's rude storms, you see me here a stranded wreck. Scarce three moons past I left my office in charge of my worthy foreman, and sought the peaceful vales and calm retreats of the Muskingum Valley, where I sported in my childhood. Returning I stopped in Cincinnati. I fell into evil company, and—but why dwell on details? Enough that I am—that I am disheartened, ruined, broke! a mark of scorn to point her unerring finger at! As I was about to give up in despair, having given up everything else I had, I thought of you. Sir, I am here. You have not sent for me, but I have come! Your name, sir, is known and honored from one end of this great republic to the other. It
Glows in the stars.
Refreshes in the breeze,
Warms in the sun
And blooms on the trees.
When the national treasury was threatened by a horde of greedy Congressmen, you stood like a wall of adamant between the people and those infamous salary-grabbers. Lend me a dollar!"

"My dear sir," the colonel hastened to explain, "you mistake the case entirely: I was one of the grabbers."

"You were?" (grasping the colonel's hand warmly) "so much the better! Let me congratulate you that a parsimonious public could not frighten you out of what was a fair remuneration for your invaluable services. I am glad that your pecuniary circumstances are so much better than I supposed. Make it two dollars!"

And the colonel did. It was the only clean thing left for him to do.