Virginia Argus

For the Virginia Argus.

DIALOGUE

Between the Stomach and Teeth.

The Stomach, which for many years, by the indolence of the Teeth, had been compelled to perform, in a great degree, the business of mastication, at length broke out into loud complaints, when the following dialogue ensued between them.

Stomach. I consider it a very great hardship, Teeth, that you, who, by your situation, have so small a portion of labor assigned you in the animal economy, should neglect to perform that portion, and only take delight in exhibiting yourselves to catch admiration. A sense of justice ought to make you more attentive to your duties.

Teeth. What! dare you complain? You, who are made a drudge by nature: What better do you merit than to be at labor day and night? Besides, as you perform the business of digestion, it is very little additional trouble to do that of mastication also.

S. There you are mistaken. For altho my powers be great in the concoction and distribution of nutriment, yet it is necessary that the substances which are committed to my superintendance, should, in the first place, be prepared by you.

T. Well; it is of no consequence; Noble I was born, and noble I am determined to remain. One principal feature of nobility is idleness.

S. If you were as noble as Xenophon represents Cyrus and the like-honored of the Persians, you would be diligent in the performance of your functions. You would be ashamed to subject yourselves to reproaches from the meanest of those under your controul. Your nobility, I presume, is of the Spanish, the late French, or of the British kind

T. Hey-day! Quite learned and impertinent. Pray let me hear no more from you on this subject.

S. What can you do? You cannot bite me!

T. I will stop your food altogether : I will not open to receive it.

S. In that I defy you. I act through the nerves and muscles; and when hunger pinches me, I will draw you open with ease.

T. Nevertheless, I will masticate as I please. I will take my pleasure; and that consists in laziness.

S. That is candid, at least. But for your own sake, if not for mine, you ought to be more industrious.

T. Indeed! Pray convince me of that.

S. Why, as mastication is necessary to perfect digestion, and perfect digestion to good health, you will not endure as long by idleness as by industry. The fumes of indigestion affect the enamel of the teeth, cause a fever in the gums, and in the end render you carious. What follows, I need hardly tell you; the breath becomes offensive, and you will be afraid to shew yourselves, lest every one should be driven from your presence: then come aches, pains, tumors; sharp, acrid humors, and a nameless list of ailments that render you miserable.

T. You may be right; but I like to be idle.

S. But if you perform your duty, I shall be enabled to do mine: The breath that passes through you will be purer : Your enamel will not be affected ; you will shew to greater effect by being contrasted with a lively red in the gums; and the general health of the body being thus promoted, ruddy lips and rosy-cheeks will set you off to still greater advantage.

T. Why, you almost persuade me!

S. I wish I could. You will live so much the longer; and what is still better, you will live in credit. Only think of the disgrace of being corrupted and compelled to submit to extraction by the crow-bill instrument of a vulgar dentist.

T. The lord have mercy on me!

S. Have mercy on you! Have mercy on yourself.

T. I will, I will. I shall endeavor to be more diligent in future.

S. Very well: I am glad I have brought you to act rationally.