Mcallen Daily Monitor

ready to welcome any and all house guests their invited guests drag in their wake. But listen to the lament of a worn and weary male:

Men Dislike Parties

"I am beginning to think the cocktail party has driven a wedge into the heart of society. Those who like cocktail parties and those who do not like them are now in clearly defined camps. Husbands and wives seldom agree about them.

"One might imagine that men would like these affairs—most of them drink more or less, anyway. But, on the contrary, most of the opposition comes from the males. Wives cannot seem to understand it.

"Just the other afternoon, a matron of my acquaintance ran a most successful affair. When I asked her how she managed to round up so many pleasant people, she said she invited the husbands instead of the wives. In telephoning her invitations she inquired for Mr. rather than Mrs.

" 'You see,' she explained, 'husbands so often refuse to attend parties after their wives have accepted that the only safe thing to do is to invite the men. If they give their word that they will be present, they are not likely to default. But half of them won't show up if their wives accept for them.'"

"Considering the matter from this angle I am somewhat mystified. In the first place, why should anybody go to so much trouble and use so much diplomacy to round up a crowd for a party? If people do not like these affairs, why invite them? If parties are not a success, why have cocktail parties? I am again inspired to remark that we seem willing to strain a tendon every now and then to achieve the thing that is being done. I am beginning to admire people who do not give cocktail parties, never have been guilty of doing so, and by the same token intend to keep free such fantastic business.

Women's Chatter Bores

"Let us consider the cocktail party as husband bait. Some of the husbands who have been whirled about on the merry-go-round claim that the best way to attend a cocktail party is to grit your teeth, stuff cotton in your ears and go determined to last it out.

"For the matrons who crowd a man into a corner and talk endlessly about practically nothing do not seem so poisonous when the victim is deaf to her chatter.

"The glaring defect in the modern party as explained to me by survivors is the lack of common interests. People talk for hours to other people; or, rather, they struggle to talk, having no real basis for conversation. One cannot make merry with people who do not speak one's language. It simply cannot be done. There are always a few clowns to help things out, but by the same token it is quite likely to make an equal number disagreeable.

"Speaking of husband baiting, it compels me to say that a great many men don't especially enjoy the company of over-ardent ladies. Emotional women can cause quite some havoc at a party. For instance, those women who get affectionate during a party. What a rumpus one or two such pests can make! They usually manage to throw their arms around 'Best Friend's' husband—and then, is there the dickens to pay!

"Wives do not especially care for that sort of thing, and when they get home they take it out on hubby. Which explains, possibly, why some husbands fight shy of such parties. They do not care for unbridled emotion—not in public, anyway.

"I really believe that these clinging vines can cause a family row where family rows have never existed. Women are still comparatively new to this business of guzzling, and a great many of them will never learn how to handle liquor. So much for sex equality.

"I am wondering what future historians will write about liquor parties, as is 1936."