Staunton Spectator

Uncle Jupiter Glories in Black Bess's Having Chills.

"Who dat talking about chills?" queried Uncle Jupiter; "'pears like as how you ain't talking wid ordernary sense. De berry smallest chile on dis place what kin talk knows as how at dis here time ob de yeah chills am as plentiful as de blackberries on de bush and as common as pig tracks in muddy wedder. You says as how you am nebber had a chill in yer life? Come here, 'oman, and lem me take a squar look at yer."

"Black Bess," being thus importuned, laid aside her washboard, and, throwing the suds from her hands, marched up to Jupiter. Putting both arms akimbo she stood before the old man with an insolent "here I is" making a not ungraceful picture in the attitude she had unconsciously assumed. "Gal," said Jupiter, eyeing her strangely, "you says as how you am nebber had a chill. Woll, whar in de thunderation am you been libing all yer life?"

"Rite in forty miles ob dis place, Uncle Jupiter," replied the girl, and if you misdouts my word you kin' ax Miss Amy if I am telling you de blessed truff. In conrse," she added, majestically, "I is seen odder fokes hab chills, but I am ob dat stripe dey nebber cums nigh me, and I is seen plenty odder quality fokes what am had 'um rud-der."

"Quality fokes be hanged!" exclaimed the old man, walking off; "I boun' 'fore you is here any length ob time you is gwine to be a shaking and a chattering ob yer teef and a stretching of yer bones jis like odder fokes, and den it will be quality fokes on tudder side ob yer mouf."

"Nebber mine, ole man, don't you be skeert," saucily replied the girl, and vigorously resuming her washing she began a most uproarious song, "to drown dat ole fool's croaking," as she affirmed when young Jake, came along and gallantly seated himself on a wash bench near the irate young woman.

"It is a mity curus fring to me," she affirmed, "as how sum fokes ain't satisfied to see odder fokes a joying ob der good hef, less dey is douting ob der word and makes out as how dey is ailing anyhow. Now I am nebber had no chills and I am not gwine to say I is."

"You ain't?" admiringly inquired Jake; "you shure is a 'ception, den. I is dun shuck and stretch and shake till my teef mity nigh dun cum outen my head, and I tell you tain't no fun nudder. Dese here frings you call chills ain't to be sneezed at, nudder, kase it ain't jis one or two and den stop, but one, den annudder, till you ain't care much whedder you lib or die."

A few weeks later Uncle Jupiter, happening to step into Black Bess's cabin, found the hapless young woman sitting over the fire shaking. Could it be possible! Yes, with a chill.

"You is got it, is you?'' exulting exclaimed the old man; "how is yer bragging now? 'Pears as how you is dat stripe, arter all."

"Oh, yes! dat's it. Open yer mouf and gape. Oh, yes! stretch out yer arms like yer was trying to reach to Baltimore.' Oh, yes! knock yer teefs togedder jis like old Dick knocks dem bones fur de young fokes to dance. Oh, yes! You is got de symptoms; le's feel yer han's and see if your fever is riz. You needn't jerk back like I is pizen. I ain't gin you de chills. No, my honey, ·dey is bred and born in der bones.

"You can't 'scape 'em; you may boast fur a while, but chills am like death, dey is gwine to sarch you out and dey is gwine to fine you and when dey gits a grip on you dey hangs on jis like dat yaller dog ob mine holes on to de hogs in de corn field.

"Chile, you is mity spiteful now, kase you dun talk so big about quality fokes and der like, but all de same I is sorry for you, kase I is bin all along dar.

"For a few days I be feeling mity bad and monstrus lazy, den all of a suddint I feels a stitch in de back, stitch in de side and I gins to gap 'casionally, den I gets sorter cold, den sort hot, den I gins to shud-der and shake, my teef chatters, my head aches, my bones ache and dar it is, annudder chill. Ain't dem de symptoms, honey?" concluded the old man, going up to the girl and patting her on the head.

But "Black Bess," tried beyond endurance, hurls an offcast shoe at Uncle Jupiter, who manages to evade the blow and beats a hasty retreat for the door.

"You is powerful cantankerons now, young 'oman," he shouted, when out of harm's way; "but I lays as how, when you is dun bin shuck up by a dozen or more ob dem agers. you is gwine to tame down a little, my blessed chile, or my name ain't Jupiter. I ain't wish you no harm, but you is met your match now, dar' am no disputing dat fac.'

It is a gwine to be many a day fore you sets your arms akimbo and tells me as how you de ain't sort to hab chills. Quality fokes or no quality fokes, dey is got you now and dley is gwine to try your mettle, young miss, 'fore dey lets you alone.

Maybe dey will ben' yer head a little and bring you down to de lebbel of odder fokes. Good morning, sissie; call ole Jup iter ef you needs anybody to hep you stretch. Iis a powerful han' for to hep vudders in their stress. I shure is. and I kin gin you a pull or two that will beat dem chills all ter pieces."