The New Hampshire Gazette And General Advertiser

An Account of the Conversion of the Reverend Mr. John Thayer, &c.

(Continued from our last.)

It was a minister in my own sect, and I must renounce my state and my fortune: I was tenderly attached to my family, and I must incur their indignation: Interests so dear kept me back: In a word, my understanding was convinced, but my heart was not changed.

I was in these circumstances, fluctuating and undetermined, when a little book, entitled Manifesto di un Cavaliero Christiano convertito alla Religione Catholica, (which it would be good to translate into several languages, and to spread wherever there are Protestants) was put into my hands. The author gives a historical account of his conversion, and briefly discusses the points which are controverted between Catholics and Protestants.

He places in the beginning a prayer which was communicated to him by a Catholic to invoke the light of the Holy Ghost, and which the reader perhaps will not be sorry to see.

"Almighty and eternal God, Father of mercy, and Saviour of mankind. I humbly entreat thee by thy sovereign goodness, to enlighten my mind, and to touch my heart, that by true faith, hope and charity, I may live and die in the true Religion of Jesus Christ. I am sure that as there is but one true God, so there can be but one faith, one religion, one way of salvation, and that every other way which is opposite to this, can only lead to endless misery.

"It is this faith, Oh my God, which I earnestly desire to embrace, in order to save my soul. I protest therefore before thy divine Majesty, and I declare by all thy divine attributes, that I will follow that Religion which thou shalt show me to be true; and that I will abandon, at whatever cost, that in which I shall discover error and falsehood: I do not deserve, it is true, this favour, on account of the greatness of my sins, for which I have a profound sorrow, because they offend a God so good, so great, so holy and worthy of my love: but what I do not deserve, I hope to obtain from thy infinite mercy, & I conjure thee to grant through the merits of the precious blood which was shed for us poor sinners by thy only begotten Son. Jesus Christ. Amen."

When I received this book I had a secret presentiment that it would give me the finishing stroke, and it was with extreme difficulty that I could prevail on myself to peruse it. My soul was as it were, rent by two contrary emotions.

What combats, what assaults did I not at that time endure! I cast my eyes over the prayer, but could not prevail on myself to say it; I wished to be enlightened yet feared being too much so. - My temporal interest, and a thousand other motives, crowded upon my mind, and counter-balanced the salutary impressions of grace. At length the interest of eternal salvation prevailed. I threw myself on my knees, I excited myself to say the prayer with the greatest sincerity I was capable of, and the violent agitation of my soul, with the conflicts it had sustained, drew from me an abundance of tears:

I began then to read the book, which is a short exposition of the principal proofs which establish the truth of the Catholic Religion. The whole of those different proofs which till then I had only viewed separately: so many rays of light collected as it were into one centre, made a lively impression on my mind.

Besides I did not make the same resistance as formerly to the divine grace: God spoke to my heart at the same time that he enlightened my understanding, and gave me grace to surmount the obstacles which had hitherto retarded me. I had
not entirely finished the book, when I exclaimed, "My God! I promise to become a Catholic." The same day I declared my intention to the family with which I lodged; it gave them joy, for they were truly pious. I went in the evening to the Coffee-house, where I imparted my change to all my Protestant friends: and to repair, as much as I could, the scandal which I had given, I defended the sanctity of Venerable Labre, and declared that I had more proofs of the truth of his miracles, than I would require for any fact whatever. Moreover, not to be ashamed of Jesus Christ, I invited a great number of friends to be the witnesses of my abjuration. Many lamented my weakness, others made a jest of it; but God who called me to the faith, supported me, and I have a firm confidence that he will support me to my last breath.

I must acknowledge that before my abjuration, I had struggles for some time with my imagination respecting the worship of the Blessed Virgin and of the Saints. I had nevertheless been sufficiently instructed on this article, and did not doubt, but that it was profitable to employ with the Son, the intercession of his holy Mother, and that far from doing him an injury by honouring and loving her whom he had so tenderly loved himself, it was the means of honouring him the more; yet my ancient prejudices returned and disturbed my mind in spite of myself. The reproach of idolatry, which I had heard a thousand times brought against Catholics on this subject, still alarmed me, though I knew it to be ill founded. I resembled those persons, who in their infancy, having had their imagination strongly impressed with the ridiculous stories of apparitions, at a riper age involuntarily shudder, when the same ideas recur, in spite of their reason, which wholly disowns them. I was obliged to offer violence to myself, and when I began to invoke the Blessed Virgin, I did it with trembling. I first addressed myself to God, protesting that I had no other design than to honor him, and that I desired to do it more perfectly by the intercession of his Blessed Mother, entreating him not to impute to me idolatrous intentions, which I disavowed with all my soul. Then addressing myself to the Blessed Virgin, "Oh tender mother," said I, "if it be lawful for me to implore thy succour, help me in the miserable state in which I am: it was through thee that the Saviour came to us, it is through thee that I desire to go to him.

"The Scriptures teach me, that by thy means was wrought the first miracle of the evangelical law in the order of grace, (the sanctification of St. John the Baptist) and the first in the order of nature, (the change of water into wine). Here remains another to be performed; do not refuse to employ thy credit: I do not deserve it; too long have I not known thee; but now though with fear and trembling, I begin to address thee; intercede for me with thy Divine Son." Then returning to God, "Oh Lord," said I, "I implore thy light; thou hast promised to listen to those who invoke thee; I do it from the bottom of my heart; thou art my witness that I seek truth at whatever expense: I cannot err in addressing my supplications to thy Blessed Mother: Thou thyself wouldst be the cause of my error."--Conscience and tranquility were the fruits of this prayer. From that time I have always had recourse to the Blessed Virgin, and I am confident that I have received grace through her intercession; gratitude obliges me to make this acknowledgment. I endeavour to join every institution which tends to her honor and I
have pledged myself, and study as much as can depend on me, to extend the devotion to this dear Mother of God.

A very natural reflection here occurs: Can God suffer a person to be deceived in the choice of a Religion, when after exact watchfulness over his own conduct, after fervent prayer, after long and toilsome investigation, he determines to embrace it at the expense of all that is most dear to him on earth,--family, state, fortune, reputation? If this Religion be false, may he not say, with a celebrated Divine, "Lord; it is thou who hast deceived me" This reflection will acquire a new degree of force, if I add the prodigious change which is made in me by my conversion. I hesitate to publish it; but think it my duty so to do. in order to glorify the mercy of God; and to render homage to the Catholic Religion, which I now have the happiness to profess. What difference between my present and former state! My thoughts, my state, my views are wholly changed; I do not know myself again. As soon as I had taken my determination, I renounced the profane studies in which I had been hitherto employed; I left my books half read; I parted with those which belonged to me. From that time my passions have had little influence over me; my projects of ambition and settlement in this world are entirely laid aside. I have no pretensions on earth: I take pleasure but in the things of God, I feel within my heart, a peace which I had never known; not as formerly, the deceitful security of a stifled conscience, which presumes on the mercy of God, without seeing the danger to which it is exposed; it is the sweet confidence of a child who finds himself within the arms of a Father, and has reason to hope that nothing can tear him from them, notwithstanding the dangers with which he is surrounded. Yes, this Religion is adapted to the heart: However solid and powerful the proofs are which convince me that it is the true Religion of Jesus Christ, the satisfaction, the pure joy which accompanies it, is for me another kind of proof, not less persuasive. The truths, which I had most difficulty in believing, are, those in which I now find the greatest consolation. The mystery of the Eucharist, which appeared to me so incredible, is become an ever flowing source of delight: Confession, which I had considered as an insupportable yoke, seems infinitely sweet, by the tranquility which it produces in the soul. Oh! if Protestants and unbelievers could taste those sweets which are felt at the foot of the Altar, they would soon alter their sentiments! Oh! that I could be heard by them all, I would cry out to them:

"Taste and see how sweet and good is the Lord to those who serve him in the holy society, which he has formed himself, and which he vivifies by his spirit." This is the prevailing wish, this is the only desire of my heart, to extend as much as lies in my power, the dominion of the true faith, which is now my joy and comfort. I ambition nothing more; for this purpose I desire to return to my own country, in hopes, notwithstanding my unworthiness, to be the instrument of the conversion of my countrymen; and such is my conviction of the truth of the Roman Catholic Church, and my gratitude for the signal grace of being called to the true faith, that I would willingly seal it with my blood, if God would grant me this favour, and I doubt not but he would enable me to do it. I intreat all those who shall peruse this narrative, to pray with fervour the Father of Lights, and the God of Mercies, to bless the designs of his unworthy servant, and to open an easy access to the faith in my country. and to cause it to shoot forth and to fructify in a land
in which it has never yet been professed. Perhaps, and I dwell with pleasure on the consoling thought, perhaps I say, he who raises up, and casts down Empires, as he pleases, who does all for his Elect. and for the interest of his Church, has only permitted and brought to an end, the surprising Revolution * of which we have been witnesses, in order to accomplish some great design, & much more happy Revolution in the order of grace. Amen.

JOHN Thayer.

London, August 24. 1787.

* The independence of the Thirteen States of America.

F I N I S.

(The Extracts to be continued to our next).