The Placer Herald

ABOUT NOTHING.

It would seem from what little has recently come to the surface, that the Argus is in a curious predicament. It is in a worse fix than the ass between two stacks—for it is among half a dozen stacks—and is in doubt which will make it fat the quickest. We can imagine the following dialogue which illustrates its condition exactly:

New Editor—What is the complexion of your paper?

Director—Well, sir, between you and me, that's just what's the matter.

Editor—What has it been heretofore?

Director—Mind you, this is private. It was first a railroad Republican paper, but we got beat at that. Then we kept quiet on the railroad question, and took up Booth instead, but somehow it wouldn't go down with the people, and we got beat again, worse than ever.

Editor—Suppose you try old Republicanism, and nothing else for a while?

Director—It won't do. We have been doing that lately, and to do so we had to go back on Booth, and I tell you, it has placed us in a very awkward position. Besides, the Republican party is so terribly corrupt that it will not live through another campaign. The people have been gulled by the name Republican too many times; they don't go a cent on it any more.

Editor—What is the other paper?

Director—Oh, its Independent.

Editor—How do you mean, an advocate of the Independent Party, or, independent of all parties?

Director—Well, kind of both. It goes in for just what it thinks is right, and as long as the State Independent Party is led by good men, in an earnest endeavor to do right, it will be with them. I think it's bound to fight for the interests of the people, call it what you may.

Editor—How would it do to try straight Democracy?

Director—Oh, that would be the most ridiculous thing imaginable. We can't do that. You might put in a few lines, occasionally, to catch those few Democrats who don't like the Independents. You know there are a few; they don't amount to much, but every little helps. [At this point the Director became uneasy, and wanted to go.]

Editor—Hold on, don't go, I am yet at a loss what course to pursue. You say railroad Republicanism failed; Booth Republicanism failed worse; straight Republicanism is too rotten, and Democracy won't do at all. What shall it be, Independent?

Director—No! Gracious, no! It's a good and most worthy cause, I admit, but to attempt it now, the paper would die of inconsistency in a week.

Editor—I really then, sir, do not know what course you would have me take.

Director—Can't you be about nothing for a while, until we (the Directors) meet, and consult on the matter.

Editor—Oh! I guess so.

Director—All right. Only be careful what you tread on, just now.

Editor—All right, sir. Good-day.

And thus it is, putting all in all, the Argus has come down to about as near nothing for a stand-point as is possible to get. But those who have noted its changes, and repeated inconsistencies can not wonder.