The Milwaukee Leader

LET'S THINK OF SCHOOL DAYS
Once upon a time in the wilds of far away Africa, in one of the thickest of jungles, a colony of baboons made their home. Now, in this colony there were a number of the common variety of baboon, which really represented the laborer, who willingly waited on the baboon of the better class. These aristocratic latter mentioned animals were of an entirely different breed, and today they are generally known as the dog-faced baboon. Year in and year out they thrived, getting along fairly well, for the reason that the dog-faced boys held the wealth of the colony in their hands and dictated terms to their weaker brothers. These animals had a chattering language, and by means of it the aristocrats of the colony were able to impress the belief on the working baboons that they were living under a beautiful economic system, known as democracy. The garden variety of baboon absorbed this idle gibberish as the gospel truth, and, thinking it meant freedom, were satisfied to live under existing conditions.

Things might have remained unchanged to the present day, but for the fact that various wars in other baboon colonies reached the state where the dog-faced boys were in absolute danger of losing their wealth and privileges. As a result, they declared war, picking out the most guilty offender as the enemy and recruited vast numbers of the common crowd to hurl cocoanuts at those they wished to annihilate. In order to justify this battle the workers were told that this was a war for the preservation of their freedom, and in some cases the working monkeys were allowed small jobs, such as second lieutenants, etc., and in order to still further uphold the claim of the dog faces, some of the latter volunteered as privates, preparatory to this exciting scrap. On the whole, however, the working apes did the dirty work, while the dog-faces held the positions of officers in this war of hurling cocoanuts.

The battle-cry of "democracy" excited enough moral force to bring victory to the dog-faced rascals, and a mighty jubilee was held in Apeland. There is always something that is bound to take the joy out of life, however, and the blue-blooded monkeys soon discovered right after the victory that the working baboons were bound to make certain economic demands which would greatly emancipate them.

This was unthinkable. so, although the workers had dropped their cocoanut weapons and had gone to work, forgetting that there had ever been a war, the dog-faced rascals created a baboon legion with a constitution built on such beautiful lines that it would have made the angels weep to read it. From far and near they recruited the dog-faced boys from chambers of commerce, Rotary clubs and Civic and Welfare leagues, and to impress the other baboons with their noble purpose, they added to the recruits many foolish common baboons, who joined without knowing any better.

The years passed on and the working baboons strove for a greater participation in their nation's affairs. As the world moved slowly forward, deep thinkers among the common tribe attempted to further their views of freedom, thinking that within a nation that had always taught and that had fought for democracy, the unfolding of any development toward the good of those who suffered in poverty should be looked upon with favor.

Unfortunately, however, the baboon legion thwarted every move that was made, and at every workers' gathering where meetings were broken up there were always some members of the baboon legion that were in attendance. Nevertheless, The Baboon Star, the daily paper of Monkeyland, always was careful to state over and over again that such lawlessness was never sanctioned by the legion itself. The leaders of the working classes were kidnaped and bodily taken out of the land, and in many other places they suffered bodily injury, and in one well-known case they were tarred and feathered.

The poor, common monkeys could never understand the procedure, as they had been told continuously that they were living in a democratic country, where a monkey was entitled to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. But up to the present they have found that the only freedom accorded them is in the small affairs of life, where such freedom does not endanger the policy of the dog-faced baboon.

Of course, this is just a monkey story with a moral that one must know as much as a dog-faced boy in order to get the same privilege accorded dog-faced baboons. Of course, in the land occupied by civilized nations nothing like this occurs, as humans have intellects far above those of baboons, and also, fortunately, possess moral qualifications which would make such happenings as described in baboonland utterly impossible, where real democracy is supposed to exist.

Railway Carmen's Journal.