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Literary
October 9, 1767
The New Hampshire Gazette And Historical Chronicle
Portsmouth, Greenland, Rockingham County, New Hampshire
What is this article about?
A bachelor's humorous essay outlining his middling personal qualities, financial limitations, and observations on fortune-driven marriages as reasons to remain single, proposing a satirical law to promote love-based unions.
Clipping
OCR Quality
98%
Excellent
Full Text
From a late LONDON PAPER.
A Batchelor's Reasons against MATRIMONY.
I am neither old, nor young ; I am not handsome nor ugly ; though I will not be sure of either of these, as tastes are so different; but I truly mean, that I hope I am not what the female Critics would call a shocking fellow ! a detestable creature ! a boorish, ugly monster !--I am not wise,--and, with all submission, I flatter myself, not foolish.--I have few virtues--and, I hope, few vices.--I am not rich, because I have no landed estate, nor money in the funds ; and I am not poor, because I have half a guinea to assist a friend.--- And I have Contentment, which I find to be a most sovereign remedy for the vapours.--.- Sometimes I am serious,-- sometimes gay ; sometimes sad, and sometimes merry ; but I am generally in tolerable good humour except when I am flatly contradicted, and then I am the very devil !--I am not very sensible, nor very insensible ; but I am one of those who can feel for a person in distress ; and who do not condemn the starting tear at an affecting narration as a certain proof of effeminacy.--I keep no horses, except a hobby or two, on which I amble a little now and then. This, by the bye, I must be indulged with, even after marriage.--I can make a shift to maintain myself in a genteel way, and, with management, I might perhaps, be able to figure a little in a family way sometimes.--But I cannot afford to marry one without fortune, as it would increase my expence so much, that, perhaps, my Taylors, Butchers, and Bakers children, might be bro't to short allowance. Every Lady who has what she thinks a pretty fortune, expects to meet a man with a very pretty fortune; and, when they meet, they marry. To be sure, your handsome fellows, and your clever fellows, sometimes marry well ; but as I am none of these, I have no claim upon the premiums.
If the Legislature would enact a law, that no person of fortune should marry a person of fortune ; or, in case they did, that the fortune of either one or other should be forfeited to portion out those who have none, then we should have glorious times. Love, attachment, esteem, and regard, would then be motives for marriage superior to money--and then I might get a wife. --Till that time happens, I am afraid I must remain
A BATCHELOR.
A Batchelor's Reasons against MATRIMONY.
I am neither old, nor young ; I am not handsome nor ugly ; though I will not be sure of either of these, as tastes are so different; but I truly mean, that I hope I am not what the female Critics would call a shocking fellow ! a detestable creature ! a boorish, ugly monster !--I am not wise,--and, with all submission, I flatter myself, not foolish.--I have few virtues--and, I hope, few vices.--I am not rich, because I have no landed estate, nor money in the funds ; and I am not poor, because I have half a guinea to assist a friend.--- And I have Contentment, which I find to be a most sovereign remedy for the vapours.--.- Sometimes I am serious,-- sometimes gay ; sometimes sad, and sometimes merry ; but I am generally in tolerable good humour except when I am flatly contradicted, and then I am the very devil !--I am not very sensible, nor very insensible ; but I am one of those who can feel for a person in distress ; and who do not condemn the starting tear at an affecting narration as a certain proof of effeminacy.--I keep no horses, except a hobby or two, on which I amble a little now and then. This, by the bye, I must be indulged with, even after marriage.--I can make a shift to maintain myself in a genteel way, and, with management, I might perhaps, be able to figure a little in a family way sometimes.--But I cannot afford to marry one without fortune, as it would increase my expence so much, that, perhaps, my Taylors, Butchers, and Bakers children, might be bro't to short allowance. Every Lady who has what she thinks a pretty fortune, expects to meet a man with a very pretty fortune; and, when they meet, they marry. To be sure, your handsome fellows, and your clever fellows, sometimes marry well ; but as I am none of these, I have no claim upon the premiums.
If the Legislature would enact a law, that no person of fortune should marry a person of fortune ; or, in case they did, that the fortune of either one or other should be forfeited to portion out those who have none, then we should have glorious times. Love, attachment, esteem, and regard, would then be motives for marriage superior to money--and then I might get a wife. --Till that time happens, I am afraid I must remain
A BATCHELOR.
What sub-type of article is it?
Essay
Satire
What themes does it cover?
Love Romance
Social Manners
What keywords are associated?
Bachelor
Matrimony
Fortune
Marriage
Love
Satire
Literary Details
Title
A Batchelor's Reasons Against Matrimony.
Subject
Reasons Against Matrimony
Key Lines
I Am Neither Old, Nor Young ; I Am Not Handsome Nor Ugly ; Though I Will Not Be Sure Of Either Of These, As Tastes Are So Different;
I Am Not Rich, Because I Have No Landed Estate, Nor Money In The Funds ; And I Am Not Poor, Because I Have Half A Guinea To Assist A Friend.
Every Lady Who Has What She Thinks A Pretty Fortune, Expects To Meet A Man With A Very Pretty Fortune; And, When They Meet, They Marry.
If The Legislature Would Enact A Law, That No Person Of Fortune Should Marry A Person Of Fortune ; Or, In Case They Did, That The Fortune Of Either One Or Other Should Be Forfeited To Portion Out Those Who Have None, Then We Should Have Glorious Times.