The Sidney Herald

Ten Commandments are Re-written for Hunters

Hunting's 10 Commandments

1. Thou shalt speak to the farmer in gentle grace and implore him to let thee hunt lest he boot thy north end from his domain.

2. Point not thy gun at any living thing thou dost not intend to kill. For I say to you, lo there are fools and idiots wandering about and verily he who fails this rule is the King Imbecile.

3. Shoot not thy gun toward any farm or farmer. If thou shall disobey this rule the farmer will jab thee in the pants with pitchfork until thee roarest for help and eat thy meals standing.

4. Unload thy gun before entering car, that thy days be long and thy funeral postponed.

5. Take not thy gun by muzzle and draw towards thee. Verily some foolish human may love thee and why shouldst thou die?

6. Look not in barrel of gun be it loaded or empty. An empty gun may shoot out an inquiring eye and the undertaker grow rich thereby.

7. Thou shall not carry thy gun cocked. Thou art a mighty hunter but the hides of thy companions will not turn shot.

8. Climb not fences with gun in hands, put thy gun thru and pointed from all living things, lest thee return with guilt in heart and friend's hind leg in basket.

9. Shoot not from thy car at man or beast, lest thy fellow road hunter mistake the barrels for antlers and fill thy fine upholstery with buckshot.

10. Verily I say unto you obey these commandments and thou shalt live out thy three score and ten. If thou failest thou shalt sleep in a coffin, or thy prison cell whilst mourners go about on the street.