Spirit Of The Age

ZEB WAS IN A HOLE.

HE WENT AFTER WHISKY AND FOUND A BIG BEAR.

The Old Possum Hunter Tells How It Came to Pass That He Developed a Most Wonderful Interest In Noah and the Animals In the Ark.

[Copyright, 1900, by C. B. Lewis.]

"Just before the revenue fellers capture the last moonshine still around yore," said the old possum hunter of Tennessee, "we had fourteen kegs of whisky in the shaft of an old iron mine on the side of the mounting. That shaft was 20 feet deep and grown about by bushes. After the whisky had staid thar over two years it was planned fur me to take it out and sell it and divide up the money. The old woman knew of the plant, but I wasn't goin' say nuthin 'bout my gettin the kegs out. She was reckonin all along that some one else would do that. One afternoon I driv the mule and cart as nigh the place as I could, and along 'bout two hours after nightfall I says to the old woman:

" 'If yo' don't consider to object, I reckon I'll go over and see Dan Skinner this evenin. Dan is feelin peekish and lonesome, and likely we'll hev a game of checkers to brighten him up.'

" 'But I do object,' she says. I was goin' ta sing some hymns tonight while yo' played the fiddle. I also want to talk to yo' 'bout Noah and his ark.'

" 'I've got a sore thumb and can't fiddle, and, as fur Noah, he will keep till some other time. Nuthin rushin 'bout Noah.'

"With that she turns on me and looks me squar in the face, and after a minute she says:

" 'Zeb White, don't yo' go to foolin with Noah and his ark or sunthin pow erful bad will come out of it. Dan Skinner may feel peekish, or he may be dyin, but what we wants to know Is how all them critters found their way into the ark. How did it happen that the hens didn't eat up the tater bugs while they was walkin together?'

" 'Dunno.'

" 'Why didn't the foxes eat all the hens?'

" 'Dunno.'

" 'Why didn't the b'ars eat the pigs?'

" 'Dunno.'

" 'Of co'se yo' don't, and that's why I want yo' to squat right down yere with me and try and figger it out. I shan't never be satisfied to die till I find out how the elephants and hosses and cattle managed to git into that ark without treadin on the carpints and bugs.'

"I seen that her jaw was set fur a row, continued Zeb, "but I had sold that whisky and must git it out that night, and so I told her I'd go along over to Skinner's and put in the next two nights with her on Noah. She looked at me ag'in, but didn't say nuthin till I was on the doahstep. Then she p'inted her finger at me and said:

" 'Go right along, Zeb White, but If the Lawd don't git yo' into a heap of trubble over it then I don't know chestnuts from punkins!'

"I hurried off without sayin anything back and half an hour later was bringin up the kegs. It was damned rotten business. I had to slide down a rope, hitch on to a keg and then climb up and pull the keg after me. Ought to had a nigger to help me, but thar wasn't one around to trust. I'd got up fo' kegs all right and was comin up to pull the fifth one up when sunthin happened. Jest as I was nearin the top of the hole I heard a growl and a 'whoor' and a big bear made a stroke at my head with his paw. I was that durn skeered that I jest let go and dropped to the bottom of the shaft and got a jar that made my bones ache fur a week.

"What they calls the situation was this: I was down in a hole and a bear was waitin fur me to come up and do business with him. Yo' kin see that the pesky varmint had all the advantage. He could smash my skull with one blow of his paw as my head come within reach. I yelled and hollered at him, thinkin to skeer him away, but he looked over the edge of the hole at me and growled and sniffed and seemed minded to fall on top of me. It wasn't five minits befo' I wished I was home talkin 'bout Noah, but wishin was no good. I kept quiet fur two or three hours and then started to climb up. The b'ar was thar. He was thar at midnight and sunrise, and I'm tellin yo' that he was thar at noon and at fo' o'clock in the afternoon. The shaft was as dry as a bone, and I was thirsty enough to drink swamp water. The way things was fixed that b'ar could keep me down thar till I perished, and when he appeared as if he was like to do it I felt that I hadn't used my old woman right and wanted to ask her to forgive me. 'Bout fo' o'clock, while I was keepin mighty quiet, I hears a rifle shot above, and directly afterward a human face looks down on me. It was the old woman's. She drawed the rope up beyond my reach and then called down:

" 'Is anybody down thar visitin Dan Skinner who feels peekish and wants to play checkers?'

" 'If yo'll lemme up, I'll ax yo'r pardon,' says I.

" 'Mebbe that voice belongs to Zeb White?'

" 'It does.'

" 'And mebbe his sore thumb has got well so that he kin fiddle?'

" 'It has.'

" 'Then we'll hev some fiddlin and singin.'

"And with that she lowers the fiddle by a string, and as soon as I got tuned up she began singin and kept it up fur an hour. Then she calls down:

" 'Zeb, what about Noah and his ark?'

" 'I'm willin to talk,' says I.

" 'How long will yo' talk?'

" 'All the rest of the fall and winter. 'Peared to me when yo' spoke of it last evenin that I didn't keer much 'bout Noah and his ark, but I'm findin out that I take a heap of interest in 'em. I'm willin to sit up all night and try to figger out 'bout the hens and tater bugs.'

" 'Then mebbe yo'd better come up,' says she, and she draps the rope fur me to climb by. I never felt so glad in my life as when I got out and seen a dead b'ar thar. I wanted to gin the old woman a kiss, but she waves me off and says:

" 'Don't yo' be in sich a hurry, Mr. White. After yo' hev ate and drank and slept, and after we've put in 'bout fo' weeks figgerin on Noah, we'll see 'bout the kissin business. Chuck them kegs back into the hole, load up the b'ar, and we'll go home.'"

M. QUAD.