The Daily Monitor

Tell Your Child To Do' Rather Than Don't'
By JANE HERBERT GOWARD

DONALD was climbing onto the window sill, when mother scolded. "Didn't I tell you not to sit there?" Getting to him as fast as she could, she lifted him off and continued, 'Don't you ever let me find you up there again."

The youngster burst into tears. But his crying had nothing to do with feelings of regret which the mother imagined him to have. "There, there - stop crying," she urged. "Just don't do it again, and everything will be all right."

For answer the sensitive tot buried his head in her side. He was overcome with emotion. Things were happening too swiftly for him to grasp the significance of events. First he was scolded and made to feel utterly miserable. Now, regarded kindly by mother, he was filled with relief.

If he were to climb up there again soon, it wouldn't be his fault. Mother had said "don't" but she had failed to suggest what to do in its place.

Every child yearns for parental approval. He wants to be "good." This means that one should avoid fault-finding, scolding and unpleasantness in general. Toward this end, try to find a way of saying "do" as often as you feel like giving a "don't" command.

There is nothing new about this rule and it isn't as easy as it sounds. Educators have been harping on it for a long time.

For example, instead of cautioning "Don't get wet," and thereby emphasizing "get wet" and the reverse of what you are after, say, "Keep dry."

Instead of scolding, "Haven't I told you not to go into the road?" say, "Walk on the sidewalk."

And if the child doesn't move fast enough to suit you, go and get him. Assume that he wants to obey; don't become impatient.

Built for action, it is much easier for him to remember something that he is supposed to do than something which he may not do.

If Donald's mother had said, "Come and sit in your own little chair," and seen him safely to it each time she found him near the windowsill, he soon would have realized that chairs, not windowsills, were for sitting and have kept away from the window.

By the same token if, every time a child started scribbling on the wall he were given paper for the purpose, he soon would be asking for paper when he had an urge to write.