Los Angeles Daily Herald

"Will Your Waiters Call Me Early?"

Porter, leave me here a little, call me up for
Hound Four—
Leave me here, and, when you want me,
Sound like thunder on the door.

'Tis my room, and all around it, bell-boys
clerks and porters call;
Early trains are all the order everywhere
along this hall.

All night long I've answered rattling whacks
on every door but mine.
I've been jumping up and dressing every
hour since half past nine—

First, to catch a vagrant local that I never
use I dressed;
Then went back to bed, but started up to
catch a mail train west.

Then the porter called the paint man who
was going south on freight:
Up I got and started with him—back to bed
I went irate.

Then they called a white-goods fellow for
the Owl train going east.
And for him I also answered, and my anger
was increased.

So, through the shadow of the night, I dress
and undress until day;
'Better slumber in day-coach than at hotels
run this way.

Now I—hey? What's that?
Train's left
me? Gone a minute?
You called me half an hour ago? Three
times?
You're a liar!
Jeemes River! Julius Caesar
Left!
Another day in this hole!
Just wait till I get these trousers and I'll
come out and kill a porter!
Great Scott! Awake all night and then left!
—Bob Burdette.