The Anderson Intelligencer

The Masonic Password.

Curiosity and timidity are the two important traits in the character of Ralph Sloogey. The former quality, some years ago made him desirous of learning the secret of the Masonic Fraternity; but as he had heard that hot gridirons, and pugnacious goats with sharp horns are made use of during the ceremony of initiation, Ralph's timidity warned him that, as he was not copper bottomed, he should first strive to ascertain, if possible, whether horns formed indispensable adjuncts in the buck-goats and red hot spears and gridirons mysterions ordeal of Masonry. To satisfy himself on this point, he determined to "pump" an intimate personal friend, Jacob Slecton, whom he knew to be a Mason. "Now Jacob," said he, during a conversation on the mysterious subject, "like to become a member of the fraternity; but, before doing so, I think you ought to tell me something about them. Do they really brand you with a hot gridiron? and if so, on what part of the body?" Like all Masons, when such questions are asked, Jacob would smile, and say, "After you shall have taken the three first degrees, you will know all about it. I can't answer your interrogations." For a long time Ralph tried to worm out something concerning the fraternity; but in vain. On every possible opportunity he would renew the attempt, until at last, Jacob became offended at Ralph's persistency, and determined to punish him. Early one morning as Ralph and Jacob were hurrying down Grand street to their respective places of business, the former renewed his inquiries. "I'd give fifty dollars if I knew the signs and password. If you will tell me about the password and grip, I'll promise never to ask you another question in regard to the secrets of Masonry. Come now, Jacob you've known me since I was a boy, and you ought to be aware that if I am a little curious I never blab. Will you tell me? Surely you don't doubt your old school fellow? Out with the password, and I promise you that I will be as mum as a mouse." Were it not for the sake of old friendship, Jacob would have long before put an end to such impertinent queries; but having failed to do so, the inquisitive Ralph imagined that he would at last be successful, in "pumping" his Masonic friend. When Ralph had completed his last sentence, which was spoken in a loud tone, Jacob turned his head, thinking that the words might have been overheard by a gentleman who happened to be walking behind them. This gentleman proved to be Mr. Hinslow, who a few weeks before had been dismissed from his position as keeper in the B Hospital, charged with stealing spoons. Although personally acquainted with Mr. Hinslow, Jacob knew him by sight; he had been pointed out to him by a member of the Common Council, of which body Jacob was at that time a member. The charges against Mr. Hinslow had not yet been proved; but a committee of the Common Council, was to inquire into the case at an early day, and Jacob had been appointed a member of that committee. The last question propounded by Ralph angered Jacob, and as he turned his eyes and beheld the man who had stolen the spoons, an idea immediately entered his mind. He conceived an admirable plan for punishing Ralph, and instantly resolved to put it in execution. "If I tell you the Masonic password," said Jacob, purposely slackening his pace to allow Mr. Hinslow to pass before them, "if I tell you the password, you promise never to divulge it—not even to a brother?" "Never!" exclaimed Ralph, exultingly, thinking that at last his curiosity was to be satisfied. "Upon your soul, you swear it?" "Upon my soul, I swear it!" responded Ralph, as he put his hand to his face and scratched his nose to hide a smile. By this time, Mr. Hinslow passed on before them, leaving Ralph and Jacob about three yards behind. "You'll never utter it in the hearing of man, woman or beast?" asked Jacob. "By that great God I solemnly swear!" "I think that I can trust you. Well, Ralph, I am about to make known to you one of the greatest secrets of Masonry. When you wish to form the acquaintance of a Mason all you have to do is to whisper in his ear the mysterious password. The password is—spoons!" "Spoons! O, that be—!" ejaculated Ralph, as a smile on his face was displaced by a frown. "I tell you truly the Masonic password is 'spoons.'" "Spoons! Ha! ha! ha!" and Ralph made a feeble attempt to laugh. "Spoons! that's a h—l of a password! You must think I'm a confounded fool!" "I'm in earnest, Ralph. When Masons get into difficulty, and need assistance, they roar out the word 'spoons' three times. Were you to say 'spoons' three times, even here, on the public street, and a Mason should hear you, he would immediately rush to your assistance, thinking that you needed it." Ralph did not believe him; and to show that he could not be easily gulled, he roared out at the top of his voice— " 'Spoons!' 'spoons!' 'spoons!' " Ere the second syllable had passed his mouth; Mr. Hinslow turned round and faced Ralph. "You said 'spoons' did you? Take that and that!". As he spoke, Hinslow struck Ralph between the eyes, and then under the ear, the second blow lifting the inquisitive man off his feet, so that he staggered and fell to the pavement completely stunned. "I'll give you spoons!" roared the excited Hinslow, as he advanced and repeatedly kicked the prostrate man. As Ralph made no effort to rise, the enraged Hinslow soon tired of kicking him, and slowly passed on, occasionally looking behind to see if Ralph were following to obtain satisfaction. Ralph did not require satisfaction, thinking he might get too much of it—so he prudently postponed returning consciousness until the enemy had disappeared. As he arose to his feet he said to Jacob, in a subdued tone, "why did that man strike me?" "Because you uttered the Masonic password, but could not respond to the countersign. He is a Mason: and, as he is solemnly bound to do, immediately answered the password by making the countersign with his hand. You were unable to answer his countersign, and for that reason he knew you to be a clandestine Mason—a man who had learned the secrets in an improper way. Therefore, it was his duty to chastise you. Your life may yet be forfeited for that indiscretion." "My life! By the Great Jehovah, I thought you were only humbugging me when you said 'spoons' was the password." "Sh! h! Beware!" said Jacob, putting his hand to Ralph's mouth. "Never utter that word again. Masons are ubiquitous and you might lose your life. As it is you are in danger; for all the lodges in the city will be immediately convoked to adopt measures to discover who has betrayed them. My life as well as yours is in jeopardy. Promise me that you will never again utter the password." "And so 'spoons' is the password!" Ralph was at least convinced that his old friend had been telling the truth. "Well, may I be broiled on a Masonic gridiron, and turned over with a red hot trowel if ever I halloo 'spoon' again!" Ralph has most religiously kept his word. Should he need a spoon while at table he now asks his wife for a "sugar shovel," fearing that, if he mentioned the name of the required article, some pugnacious member of the mystic brotherhood might respond to the Masonic password.