The Record

An Unprecedented Political Confusion.

Never before in the history of our nation has there been so wide spread political confusion, wrangling bitterness of sentiment and effort being put forth by those seeking the office of President of our great nation.

There are nine men before the people for their acceptance. They are traveling promiscuously from state to state using all kind of chin music and lip service, criticising each other with vile calumny, each claiming to be devout men and to be the Christ of the nation, capable of saving the country. They are telling the people that they love them and if elected will bring on the millenium era and shall wipe away all tears. So great are the efforts of some by tongue rattling that specialists have to be employed to administer for throat and lung relief so that the foul gas and spleen which has accumulated in the cavities of the brain can be easily discharged upon the contending opponents.

There are nine regular candidates for the nomination for President, and four dark horses waiting and watching in harness ready and expecting to be brought into the ring later on, which makes thirteen aspirants for the Presidency constituting that unlucky, dreaded and undesirable number. Of the number thirteen there are four regular bred political fanatics, or we might say, delusive cranks, which render the situation more disastrous and unfortunate.

Now twelve of these candidates must necessarily be rejected and retired. Hence the number thirteen shall be chosen for the President of the nation and when such occurs we may expect bad luck, a general depression of business, blighted crops, panics, earthquakes, floods and flames and all kind of ill-fated procedure. So for the next four years dark forebodings will hover over our nation and disaster may be expected from the indications now apparent, especially if either of the fanatics should assume the unlucky number.

We need a true prophet to give the forecast of the times. The oldest inhabitants of our country will tell that they never before witnessed anything like it during their lives, and it is to be hoped that such state of affairs shall never be witnessed again. May the good Lord save our country from such a predicament.

INDEPENDENT.