The New Hampshire Gazette And Historical Chronicle

From the CONJURER, No. I.

Mr. CONJURER,

I am a very unfortunate creature, who if my accusers are to be believed, have more crimes to answer for than I am hours old. I am the youngest of four brothers, whose names are Every Body, Any Body, Some Body, and No Body. 'Tis out of my power to conceive, in what manner I have disobliged the world, that they should lay every villainy upon my shoulders, the perpetrators of which are unknown ; but this I can assure you is the case, although I never committed, even an imprudent action. Sometimes, indeed, I am said to possess many notable virtues, but as these confer honour where they are found. my Brothers hardly ever choose to disown them, so that you see, they very seldom fall to my share. Every Body knows, that when a crime has been committed by Any Body, who cannot be discovered, the common cry is, that No Body has done so and so ; though at the same Time it is evident, that Some Body must be guilty. In speaking of the depravity of Any Body. nothing is more common than the making of a comparison between us, by saying No Body is more wretched, wicked, and so forth ; but in order to silence my accusers, I shall make it appear, that I am -the only one of our family, that am at all times ready to benefit mankind, even contrary to my own interest, and without being desirous of assuming any merit to myself therefrom.: Whenever you observe any scheme of public utility pointed out that Any Body may perform, with but a little trouble, pains, and expence, pray who do you think sets about it ? Why, No Body. Again, was it ever known that Any Body would refuse a favour offered him for nothing ; or that Some Body or other, would not be glad to accept of it ? When even Every Body catches at it, and No Body declines it. There are many very important duties in life.' which it is incumbent upon Every Body to perform for the general welfare. Now if you go to Any Body,& ask him why he does not do so and so, he answers your question by proposition, another, saying, why should I trouble my head about it ? Go to Some Body else. And what says this last ? Why, he refers you back to Any. Body, but nevertheless you will say that the business is done at last, true but by whom ?--by No Body, as usual. But from a conscientiousness of my innocence, I could with some patience brook these indignities, were not people cruel enough to deny me my existence ; although from the most common expression my Entity is proved to a demonstration. Is No Body at home ?" says one, " I waited half an hour and No Body came," says another, whom do men extend their bounty to on this side of the Grave. whilst they deny it to Every Body ? Answer, to No Body ; and what says that celebrated Historian, called Pliny, on my behalf ?

Why.
Why thus, if I can read, Nemo mortalium omnibus horis sapit. No body is wise at all times.

Your worship will therefore be pleased to acquaint these Gentlemen, that I deserve better usage from their hands than to be loaded with their misdemeanors, and that you may not be mistaking this public, I can assure you, for I speak from my own knowledge, that although you may find Every Body sufficiently polite to read your lucubrations with patience; Any Body willing to allow them some merit, and now then Some Body to be entertained with them; yet if you would find a real admirer, you must have recourse to

SIR

Yours, &c.

NO BODY.