The Rhode Island Republican

MISCELLANEOUS ARTICLES.

THE ENCHANTED HAT.

Extract from the life and adventures of Obediah Benjamin Franklin Bloomfield, M. D. a native of the United States of America, now on the tour of Europe.

"A British sailor, who had just returned from a long and successful cruise, and was paid off, hastened to London in order to rid himself of his hard earned gold which literally burned in his pockets. Jack was a seaman every inch of him, and became completely miserable, after a three weeks absence from his beloved element. In vain had he entered into all the dissipation and extravagance of the metropolis, come-at-able by one of his class. His cash appeared to be inexhaustible. His old habits now returned upon him with such force, that to sea he must again. Accordingly he shipped on board an elegant brig bound to the United States port (a general peace having restored to him his freedom of will) and was ordered by the master to join her at Gravesend on a given day. Jack continued his best endeavors to render himself penniless, until that day was so near at hand, that it was impossible for him to be a man of his word, without the aid of the stage coach. He however prayed to Neptune for a head wind, and took it afoot—'cause why—he preferred the pedestrial to the vehicular mode of travelling. He journeyed along, sad and sola, until the dinner hour arrived when his stomach giving him some broad hints that it needed a reinforcement of timber, he stopped at the first inn which presented itself, and called for the best dinner the bill of fare afforded, a pint of brandy, and a bottle of port. Not that Jack liked wine, but he had a cumbersome balance in his pocket, which impeded his walking. The waiters stared at him like stuck pigs, but stood as motionless as though they had been petrified, until he jingled his purse, which was well stored with what an Englishman delights to look upon—yellow boys. There is no letter of introduction to travelling companions, equal to the ready rhino. Jack was speedily served—eat and drank to his heart's content, and called for his bill. It was brought, and a pretty exorbitant one it was. He was about to discharge it, when a brilliant thought struck him, and he requested to see the keeper of the inn. Boniface made his appearance, when Jack, in the fullness of his wisdom, told him that he wished to pay him double. Do you see as how, shipmate, this here is the thing—I am bound to Gravesend, on a cruise to America, but have out-stayed my time in Lunnon: now if so be, the ship has sailed, I might be put in hulk, how to get back, and my lower works suffer for want of provision; so I want to pay you double, and I means to pay every body double as I goes along, and then I besure not to starve when I travels this road again.—But how will I know you, in case the ship has left you? enquired the landlord. Is that all, quoth Jack; here then is my hat—when I calls, put it on my left hand and twirl it thus with my right hand—once—twice—thrice—and you'll be sure to remember me. The necessary orders were given to the servants—Jack paid double, and continued to do so, until he reached the place of destination, and found the vessel gone, sure enough. He remained at Gravesend till his last penny was expended, and set out for Lunnon to seek for other employ. On the road he overtook two simple Jew pedlars, whose exhausted packs required replenishing, and who were travelling the same way. They joined company in the neighborhood of a turnpike gate, when the Israelites were not a little astonished to find that Jack gave three twirls of his hat, in lieu of money, for passing through it. One of his inns was now hard by; he proposed to go in and dine, but 'dey could not afford dat, dey had sum good bred and chese in deir pocks, and vould dine upon dat, and caul him ven dey had 'turn.' Well, in goes Jack, dines sumptuously, chuckling all the while at the astonishment which his fellow travellers had exhibited at his novel mode of discharging his turnpike fare. Having dispatched as much of the good things of this world as he could possibly stow away, he ordered them to be called; they had never looked on so superb a dinner before, and could scarcely credit their senses when he divided the better half of a bottle of wine between them; he then called for his bill with as authoritative a voice as though he had been the prince regent himself—It was produced, he gravely twirled his hat three times. What is to pay now, you dog?—Not a penny, your honor. Jack led the way to the public road, the Jews following with uplifted hands!!!! They proceeded onwards until they reached another of Jack's hotels, when the severity of the weather getting the better of the Jews's parsimony, they accompanied him in, and engaged a bed, but wished no supper, (the pack was to be resorted to after they retired, jocular reader.) Meanwhile, our seaman was feasted, shown to the best unoccupied bed in the house, breakfasted in the morning, and the three twirls of his hat settled the reckoning. They pursued their march to the great city; the enchanted hat rendering a purse unnecessary for Jack, until they reached the last stage. The pedlers had held repeated consultations by the way, and the result was that Jack's hat must be purchased cost what it would: they had already felt his pulse on the subject, but he was prepared for it, by what had incautiously escaped them at different times, and he was too cunning a bird to be caught with chaff. His last inn was now entered, and the same farce acted over again; the virtues of Jack's beaver (by the bye it was made of wool,) had now ceased, and it would have been an accommodation to him, if otherwise situated, to have parted with it for half a crown; but he well knew he could replenish his purse with it, at the expense of the credulous Israelites, who would have sworn upon the old testament, until they were black in the face, that it would enable the holder to eat, drink and lodge free, ad infinitum. They were now within a mile of London, and the hat unpurchased. A few minutes more and they might be forever separated from this eighth wonder of the world—no time was to be lost; they resolved to strike a bold stroke, and offered 100 guineas for Jack's head piece: he laughed the offer to scorn. This made the luckless wights yet more anxious, and a great deal of higgling, a bargain was struck, whereby Jack got 100 guineas, and a new hat of one of the circumcised (for he was too proud to make his appearance in town bareheaded) for property not intrinsically worth eighteen pence! The money in his purse, the new beaver on his head, Jack took the earliest opportunity to dissolve the copartnership by leaving our pedlers in the lurch. They exulted as he departed, and were not a little tickled at the idea of having overreached a christian. They were now to eat and drink the best, and pay no turnpikes, so long as they both should live. They made up their minds to seek the best house, and take a fortnights holiday. Their circumstances and rigid economy had hitherto deprived them of the luxury of a comfortable meal, and they would now make themselves ample amends for all former privations—yes dat they would. It occurred to Moses however, who had rather more sense than his brother Aaron (they were so named) that, as they were to put up at the first hotel, and live as gentlemen, they ought to dress as such. Fashionable second hand clothing was to be procured, and after their frolic was over, they would dispose of them in the country at a profit. They forthwith repaired to a barber's and got well shaved (for their beards had been in mourning a twelve month,) mounted tasty wigs—from thence bent their course to Monmouth-street—were accommodated with every finery requisite.—cheap—dirt cheap—fixed upon a hotel—drove thither in an elegant hired carriage—engaged apartments for a fortnight—ordered a magnificent dinner—and retired to their sitting room, which was furnished with: a pair of full length pier glasses. The coast being clear, they viewed themselves in them, and were charmed with their appearance; and well they might, for neither of them had ever before been master of a decent suit. 'Mine Got!' said Aaron 'if mother Rebecca and father Levi, and aunty Ruth, and zister Rachel, could only zee us now, how dey vould stare!' 'Aks' said Moses, (who always bore the main chance in mind) 'and tink dat we was faittering away all our substance, but dey dont no bout de hat, broder Aaron. I could die vid lafing ven I tink of dat foolman of a sailor to sell such a treasure.' Dont you think it is time, courteous reader, that I should conclude this ridiculous story? Suffice it then to say that they lived upon the fat of the land for the fortnight, and then determined to go to work again. Indeed they could not relish a life of idleness, having never been accustomed to it. Their bill was asked for. It amounted to the trifling sum of 65 guineas—but they possessed the hat, and would not take the trouble to examine the items. The woolen beaver was twirled, and twirled, and twirled again. Vell, (to the landlord,) vat do ve owes you now—ha? Sixty-five guineas gentlemen, as per account rendered. Oh my Cot! said Aaron, and their countenances lengthened at least a yard by the square. But stop Moshis—may pe you an't ton it right; gilt me de bat; he twirled to no better purpose. The patience of their host was soon exhausted, and when he discovered that the hat was expected to pay for all, he considered his boarders as swindlers, and became outrageous. His money, or a jail, with a prosecution under the swindling act, were the only alternatives, he offered for their consideration. They had already tasted the sweets of Newgate, and at the bare mention of it the hair upon their heads bristled up 'like quills upon the fretted porcupine!' They were yet masters of 300 guineas, they produced their hoard, discharged the debt, and narrowly escaped being kicked out of doors. They were proceeding on foot to the Duke's palace with all expedition, for a carriage was now no more to be thought of; when passing by a fashionable reading room, and hearing repeated bursts of laughter issue therefrom—curiosity prompted them to walk in. Assuredly their evil genius directed them thitherward: for Jack had blabbed—the hoax he put upon them, had found its way into the news, and had occasioned the boisterous merriment which attracted their attention. They retreated, overwhelmed with confusion, saying the one to the other, with Smollet's Gambler (they had read Peregrine Pickle, I suppose) a tame bite by—!!!