Gazette Of The United States

FOR THE GAZETTE OF THE UNITED STATES.

MR. PRINTER,

I AM one of those who mind my own business, and let the world jog on as it pleases, provided I suffer no molestation from it in my favorite mode of life: I am a friend to good government, because I realize that there are some persons in my neighbourhood, who do not know the extremes that the workings of envy at my imaginary wealth, would lead them to, were they not restrained by the laws. Having had considerable experience among mankind, and being convinced that Government is a very happy invention—that the security of my life, and all I possess, depends upon its stability and energy, I have had my quiet a little interrupted of late, (which by the by is the reason of my troubling you with this writing) for I have heard some strange doctrines about magistrates, and Governors, and Senators, and Representatives—it is said by some, who I believe and hope do not understand a word they say, that they are all going to be mixed up together and there is no distinctions to be observed—and they are all a going to sit and smoke together—and to talk over matters—and to make laws in the very cheapest. and most expeditious manner—and are all to have the same pay—and wear the same sort of coats, and to cut off all their hair, but not to wear any wigs—and are to call one another by their christian names—and so to relieve the burdens of the people, by doing the public business in about a week, or fortnight, or so: These will be glorious times my neighbor Tom Trotter says; but I assure you, Mr. Printer, these things make me feel plaguy sober—for I very much doubt whether they will answer.

I am so faithless, that if an Angel was to come down from Heaven and tell me that mankind were grown so wise, so moderate, so just, so clever, and so every thing that's good, that they would all be made happier by throwing every thing into a common stock, my little all among the rest, I should look very sharp to see whether he had not a cloven foot, before I would believe him.

I tell some grumbling folks that it is hardly so easy to make laws in a chimney corner, as it is to fight battles there; and that though we in this country may be wiser than the rest of mankind in the old countries, where the common people, as they are called, are brought up in ignorance, yet that they, by long experience, have found out some things of advantage to them, and among the rest that they cannot live very happily without government—in which some must rule, and others obey: I also inform them that some of the greatest tyrants that ever lived used to coax and cajole the people in the first place—my paper is full, or I would write more.

Your's,

Simon Doubtful.