The New Hampshire Gazette

Miscellany.

The following publication at once pleasant and keen is extracted from the Gazette of the United States, and is supposed to proceed from the elegant and sportive pen of Mr. Dennie, author of The Lay Preacher, &c. who has high claims to the title of the American Addison.

[FORTUNE TELLING.]

The Moral Dispensary.

Haec e carminibus promittit olvere mentes
Quas velit; at aliis duras immittere curas,
Sistere aquam fluviis, et vertere sidera retro:
Nocturnoque ciet manes. Mugire videbis
Sub pedibus terram, et descendere montibus ornos.
VIR.

Grief and joy are subject to her will:
The flowing streams stand still & wonder.
By potent art she stops the stars and
drives them frightened back. Trees take
the alarm and scampering quit the hills;
whilst the unwieldly earth laboring,
yawning, bellowing with fear, sends
forth her nightly ghosts.

Much disturbance to the order
of nature has, in all ages, been ascribed
to the magic agency of women.
To account for such an imputation,
without acknowledging the fact, appears
somewhat difficult. Whether,
from their known influence over the
moral world, that over the natural
has, by analogical deduction, been de-
rived; whether, from their acknowledged ability to excite commotions
among the affections and passions of
the heart, it has been concluded that
they possess like powers over the ele-
ments of the natural creation, admits
of doubt. Certain it is, that, from
the earliest times, there has been a ge-
neration of wonder-working females,
whose pretensions to occult science
and supernatural power have procured
them the notice, the admiration
and the money of the credulous mul-
titude.

I have been led to these general re-
marks, by an unaccountable infatua-
tion or enchantment which appears
to be practiced upon the inhabitants
of this city, and, particularly, upon
unmarried ladies, by one of these fe-
male magicians, who has set up her
curtain, and opened a commerce
with other worlds, in a certain magic
cell in Race street.

I am unable to ascertain the par-
ticular mode in which she operates to
produce in the mind that derange-
ment of the rational faculties, that in-
satiable curiosity--and that wistful
anxiety to pry into the secrets of fu-
turity, by means of which she nightly
draws to her unhallowed mysteries,
such multitudes of deluded mortals.
It is believed, that what, to vulgar
eyes, appears a simple, harmless pack
of cards, is nothing less than the op-
penelope's caduceus of Mercury; by
the latent energies of which she sum-
mons, at her will, a congregated
throng of spectres, sprites, soldiers, la-
dies, waiting-maids and statesmen,
who, with mingled hope and fear,
hang on her lips to learn the awards
of Fate. She Minos like declares
their lots:
"Around her lie
Spells, philters, globes and phials of pal-
mistry,
A vigil in one hand the gypsy bears,
In th' other a prophetic sieve and shears,"

Thus equipped, wise and mysterious
in her aspect as the sagacious owl, and
big with future destiny, as bat by
wanton boys blown up, she bursts
with swelling divination, and to the
astonished crowd, discloses--What? That those who marry will
have husbands, and those who marry
not, by Fate's unalterable decrees,
must live old maids, or else no maids
at all. Such and so marvellous is her
matchless skill!

A still stronger proof of supernatu-
ral agency, is the mighty charm, by
which she blunts the edge of sensibility and holds her female audience, un-
abashed, to hear what she relates.
Strange as it must seem! the ears of
the modest, virtuous and chaste, which
in other circumstances, would sooner
be stopped forever than listen to the
most remote allusion of an improper
ature, here become pleased with un-
chaste and indecent insinuations and
even patient of downright obscenity.
Ladies, who in the free, unbiased ex-
ercise of their rational faculties, would
rather die like Lucretia, than live sus-
pected of dishonor, will here tamely sub-
mit to hear their virtue que-
ctioned, in presence of the multitude,
and smile at the imputation or pre-
diction of those "deeds of darkness,"
which modesty will not name and
charity refuses to credit. "Tis piti-
ful, tis wonderous pitiful" to behold
in what manner the graces of modesty
and the charms of beauty are here
out-charmed, infatuated, and pros-
stituted at the shrine of all-potent magic.

All will allow that great and nu-
merous evils, pernicious to private
peace and public manners, necessarily
flow from disorders like these. The
persons themselves will bear me wit-
ness, that when once they have so far
indulged their curiosity as to make
the experiment, however resolutely
they may have fortified their minds
against the belief of any miraculous
skill in this pretended expounder of
the decrees of Heaven, there has still
remained some traces of uncertainty.
Some trifling circumstance, to them
unaccountable, some ambiguous, un-
meaning hint, which their own know-
ledge of facts assisted by their own in-
vention, could alone appropriate to
any actual event, make room for
doubt, at least, if not credulity, to
keep possession of the mind. This a-
lone is sufficient to disturb the imagi-
nation, to awaken unreasonable ap-
prehensions or false grounded suspi-
cions; to unsettle the serenity of the
temper, and to shake that calm and
steady reliance which rational people
should more confidently repose in
their God than in the tricks of a pro-
fessed-conjurer.

I would not be thus serious upon a
ludicrous subject, were it not unfortu-
nately, true that many, in honest sim-
plicity, have gone so far as, in effect,
to believe, that an ignorant, silly wo-
man has been able to rend the veil
which the God of nature had kindly
drawn between us and futurity, and
by dint of frivolous rites and unmean-
ing ceremonies, to lay open to the
view of mortals, those secrets which
HE had wisely intended, forever, to
have concealed from their sight.
Such ideas, and the conduct which
results from them, are not merely
frivolous and ridiculous; they are
absolutely criminal and impious.

Such is the disorder: but what
shall be the remedy? Reasoning can-
not effect it: for though reason is a
"goodly pearl," it has no beauty or
value in the sight of those who direct
their eyes above it, into the regions of
mystery and wonder; and even the
wholesome precepts of morality, even
through these mists of ignorance cre-
dulity, appear to lose their excellence
and lustre.

In a case thus difficult, it is the part
of a prudent physician to proceed
with caution. I shall, therefore adopt
no final measures 'till farther investi-
gation shall have enabled me to pre-
scribe with greater confidence of suc-
cess. In the mean time I would
earnestly entreat every lady, whose
discretion has preserved to her the
consciousness of spotless manners, to
abstain entirely from visiting this in-
fectious place, and to resist, with forti-
tude, every beginning of so idle and
mischievous a curiosity. Do not my
fair friends, expose your delicacy to
the scrutiny and loose remarks of the
unknown and promiscuous multitudes,
who nightly convene there, for other
purposes than those of consulting the
fortune teller. Leave it to those who
have sufficient cause to apprehend
what a future "day may bring forth,"
to calm their apprehensions, to prove
their virtue or prepare against dis-
grace, by the assistance of oracular re-
sponies. "Good name, in women, is
the immediate jewel of their souls,"
and since for some, it requires more
than mortal testimony to gain belief,
it is reasonable that such should be in-
dulged with an opportunity of having
their virtue attested by authority which
cannot be doubted. It is therefore,
my advice, that for the present, no
obstruction be thrown in the way of
those who are disposed to visit the for-
tune teller, and that it be taken for
granted, that were it proper, they
could give convincing proof of the
propriety and necessity of the measure.

It is reported, that there are cer-
tain of the great council of our nation,
whom it delighteth to consult the in-
terests of their country, in this reposi-
tory of occult science; and, as I would
by no means, be instrumental in de-
priving government of any necessary
or useful aid, I would recommend
that every such lady as before alluded
to, should have the privilege of intro-
ducing one member of Congress.

I would likewise request the police
of the city, since they think it proper
that a public office of this kind should
be kept open for the benefit of the ci-
tizens, that they would increase the
notoriety of it, and cause its moral and
political tendency to be mani-
festly un-
derstood, by ordering the following
inscription to be placed over the door.
WANTONS AND FOOLS
Of both sexes
MADE AND SOLD HERE
At the moderate price of 25 cents
A PAIR.

SOLOMON SIMPLE, M.D.

Doctor Simple respectfully requests
the ladies not to mention him to the
fortune teller, lest she should persuade
them that these malicious remarks
have been made by some one, who is
ashamed of his real name, and by dis-
covering the author, should prove her
own skill, and destroy the credit of
this paper.