Literary Cadet And Rhode Island Statesman

No money; then the whole crew weeping and wailing at the hardest hearted husband, father and master in the whole world, &c. Wife grows old and ugly children disobedient, extravagant, &c. Miss now in her teens must give a blow-out; cannot afford it--our looks. Master, out of his teens, must have a horse and sulky; have no money; takes all I have got or can muster to retrieve my own notes--tell him he is sulky enough already; then, in faith, he gets in a mood, like a dutiful son, that he may not belie his father's speech. Madam wants miss to be indulged, and master to have his own way, like other gentlemen's sons and daughters; the devil to pay--not a copper to appease the monarch of darkness. The house turned upside down--the household mad, and I, (as must be reasonably expected)--furious, sir--'chaos is come again,'--and I have not the potent spell--money, to bring all in harmony again. Thus and thus, went on my account. When I added up my ledger, I found the sum total at credit, as Owen would have said, $165,75, and at the debit, $100,798: 99, leaving a balance in favor of celibacy of $100,642: 24. One hundred thousand, six hundred and forty-two dollars, and twenty four cents--no small deficiency, considering the capital invested: so, sir, I will not enter into the speculation, but remain as I am, a blessed Bachelor. I am not like the hypocrites who preach one doctrine and follow another, no sir, I shall be an independent and a happy Bachelor, till doomsday live I so long.

A few years after this I met my friend Frank Coldblood, on my return from my travels; 'are you a bachelor still, Frank?' He shook his head, and replied, 'I am, Bob, but I don't glory in the title.'--Sometime after I met him again. Still a bachelor, Frank?' asked I. 'Yes, Sir, replied he, with a pale and sober countenance, 'I am, but I don't thank heaven.'

The next time we met, I put my old question to him, 'are you a bachelor still?' 'Alas, sir!' said he, in a melancholy tone 'I am still a bachelor, but I don't think it such a noble and independent life.'

I met him again, and to my usual question he replied. I am still single, but do not think there is much glory in celibacy.' Why, sir, you spoke to a fraction on the subject some years ago, I hope you have not changed your mind; and yet, that miserable, cheerless, frigid face of yours, speaks as much.'

Do not tease and torment me; the account was all wrong,--every item wrong; I am unhappy, miserable; O! I am wretched, Bob I curse my stars--I will repent till the latest day of my life, that I did not marry at twenty-five.

Why Frank? what has produced all this change?'

O! Bob, my dear Bob! I am too miserable to be questioned. I have seen many of my friends contented and blessed as the day is long, with a loving wife and smiling children--I wish I were as happy as they--I want something to love--I wish I had some one on whom to place my affections,--some kind one to comfort my old age,--an heir to inherit my money. I got a dog to keep me company--I always liked dogs--they are noble animals. I am

'A friend to dogs, for they are honest creatures,
And ne'er betray their masters; never fawn
On any one they love not.'

But my dog died lately, and I have been miserable ever since. The young girls jeer at me; I wished to marry, but they say in reply to all my long speeches and professions of love, that I might be their Grandfather.' Grandfather, faith! I am not so old neither. I will marry, yet, Bob, yes I will marry, better late than never.

'A good resolution say I.'

So it is, and I am determined to follow it.'

Alas! however, for my old friend Frank Coldblood, he died before he could put his determination in force.

x.