Spirit Of Jefferson

AUCTION EXTRAORDINARY.

I dreamed a dream in the midst of my slumbers,
And as fast as I dreamed it was coined into numbers.
That a tax on old bachelors' pates should be laid;
I dreamed that a law had been recently made,
And order made them all willing to marry
The tax was as heavy as men could well carry;
The bachelors grumbled, and said 'twas no use,
Twas monstrous injustice, and horrid abuse,
And swore that to save their own heart's blood from spilling,
To the day of their death they'd ne'er pay a shilling
The legislature determined their plan to pursue,
So they set all the bachelors up at vendue;
A crier was sent through the town, to and fro,
To rattle his bell, and his trumpet to blow,
And to bawl out to all he met on his way,
Ho! forty old bachelors to be sold here to-day!
And presently all the old maids in the town;
Each one in her very best bonnet and gown,
From thirty to sixty, fair, plain, red and pale,
Of every description flocked to the sale.
The auctioneer then, in his service began,
And called out as he held up a man,
Here is an old bachelor—who wants to buy?
In a twink every maiden responded, I, I.
In short at a huge and extravagant price,
The bachelors were all sold off in a trice;
And forty bright maidens, some young, some older,
Each lugged an old bachelor home on her shoulder.