The New Hampshire Gazette

From a London paper.
A DIALOGUE
Between a Guinea and Bank Note,
March 31, 1797

Note. How fare you Brother?
Guinea. Brother indeed; mighty familiar, truly, pray sir how long have we been so near of kin?
Note. Surely my dear fellow you wont disown relationship.
Guinea. Not wholly, but fellowship I must disclaim; let servants keep a due distance and respect superiors.
Note. Superior say you, you are ignorant then of my new honors.
Guinea. New indeed, and how the devil came you by them? I never dreamt it possible for you to receive any honors but those which I confer.
Note. Poh, poh! friend, you're quite out, you can't conceive what an act of Parliament can do.
Guinea. But I know what an act of Parliament cannot do, it cannot make a substance of a shadow, and what are you but a shade representing my substance; remove me from sunshine and your importance vanishes?
Note. How so, have I not travelled in great style with high respect in a thousand expeditions, inconvenient and perilous for so weighty and tempting a personage as yourself.
Guinea. True; but in the name of modesty be not so vain as to imagine this honor paid thee for thine own sake.
Note. How then?
Guinea. Thou wast respected merely as my running footman, with a hope of seeing me soon; without this hope you might have gone a begging from door to door, and not a soul would have taken thee in.
Note. Ay, this was true enough, whilst you employed me as a mercenary drudge in selfish commerce, but my dignity is not exalted, and I trust that in a patriot character I shall receive equal honor with your glittering highness.
Guinea. Patriot! ha, ha, ha, a paper patriot! Risum teneatis?
Note. Laugh on sir if you please. while public virtue exists, I am confident I shall be respected.
Guinea. Yes, if folks have confidence in thee, but to win this, public virtue must give thee birth; for if thou be the offspring of insolvency and desperation, hope for no more respect than thy parents deserve.
Note. Pray, be not abusive.
Guinea. Then don't you hope to abuse the public confidence by setting up for something substantial in my absence, my countenance alone can help thee, my virtues are intrinsic : if I leave thee, the devouring dog discontent will soon eat thee up, all own a vast difference between specie and the spurious.
Note. But you will surely pay some respect to the great political characters, who have stood our godfathers and become ponsors for the orthodoxy of our faith.
Guinea. Let their politics first be orthodox, a good faith needs no penal code to enforce its reception.
Note. But friend your honest face has been rarely seen of late, and your presence being daily more wanted ; can you blame my authors for sending you a substitute?
Guinea. There's the heresy in their political creed ; banish a substantial hero and then hope for salvation by. a trust in his image : what credulity!
Note. But if we be not quite so potent as your highness we may boast of our numbers daily increasing.
Guinea. Increasing indeed : but how degenerating, when I fostered your predecessors, they were not so numerous but more stout, at least 10 feet high ; now you are dwindled to pigmies but one foot long, for multitude and insignificance as the ephemerous of a summer's day, and as shortlived ; if the sunshine of my countenance be not upon you.
Note. May we not expect that blessing
Guinea. Alas! my precious family has emigrated by millions for five years past, and the few that remain of us are condemned to imprisonment or exile.
Note. How so?
Guinea. Whilft thy flimsy generation puff in paper patriotism at home, such of my kindred as per chance escape the hoarding farmers lock are to figure in philanthropy amongst our dear allies in Germany.
Note. What then?
Guinea. Then may your tribe hang their diminished heads in disgrace, 'till peace give resurrection to commerce and recal my banished relations, this done, your insect race shall disappear, and Britons cry aloud " blessed be the peace makers"