The Daily Telegraph

HE BUYS A CHECK-SUIT.
[Detroit Free Press.]

Mr. Dunder made a call at the Central Station again yesterday. After depositing his hat on one chair and his cane on another he said to the Captain:
"Maybe I go as a delegate to der city convention. If I doan go like dot, I haf to buy some new cloze to go to some funerals, anyhow. So I like to get some new suit."
"Yes."
"I ask Shake aboudt it. Shake is my son, you know. He vhas an awful sharp poy. He travels to Buffalo und Chicago, und be knows all aboudt poker und some fasbions. Shake goes mit me to pick oudt my suit."
"The one you have on ?"
"Oh ! no. It vhas der one I didn't haf on. It vbas der one I come to tell you aboudt. I like some plain suit, mitout any show to it, but Shake tells me :
"Fadder, you must be oop mit der Paris fashions. If you take dot check-suit eaferybody beliefs you vhas a Senator."
"Und der clerk in der sbtore he looks me oafer und says :
"Shake vhas right. Der shtyle now is to look distinguished. If I meet you at der postoffice mit dot check-suit on I pelief you vas some Cabinet offi-cer und I follow you around liko a brass band."
"Yes."
"Vhell, I buys him und feels proud. I goes down mit der Central depot to see if my brudder-law comes in from Bay City, und a policeman looks me all oafer und says:
"You doan't get in some work around here mit a shtring game! If you do up you go!"
"He shpoke like dot to me—Carl Dunner—a citizen who pays taxes in two wards und vbas as innocent as a child."
"Did, eh?"
"Dot oopsets me, und I vhalk oudt doors to cool off. Some stranger come aroundt, und pooty soon he vhispers:
"What vhas your lay, partner?'
"I doan't know what dot means, und he says:
"Vhas it der bunco or der confidence peesness? Maybe you like a capper?'
"Shust think of sbpeaking like dot to somepody whovbas headquarters for a Blaine club, und who pays his liquor tax like clocks?"
"Well ?"
"Well, eferybody winks at me ash I go home,'und one man says maybe I doan't pick bis pocket if he knows bimself. Some odder man said he like to hire out to my circus, und two poya run after me und like some tickets to my minstrel show! Captain, vhas it der clothes ?"
"I think s0."
"Does somepody belief I vhas'a shport ?"
"That's it."
"Vhell, I say so to Shake, but he says it vbas my distinguished air, Captain !"
"Yes, sir."
"My son Shake vhas too shmart. Dot vhas some put-up shobs on me. I vhas going home now. I take a raw-hide mit me, und I like you to come oop in two hours."
"What for ?"
"To see dot great change which comes oafer Shake! You won't know him some more, und maype he like to ask you if it vhas petter to rub on some oil or salt und water! Captain, good-day !"