The Star Of The North

JUSTIN SALLY DILIARD

A LEGAL SKETCH IN THE "OLD NORTH STATE."

Scene-A court in North Carolina.

A beardless disciple of Themis rises, and thus addresses the court: May it please your worships, and you, gentlemen of the jury, since it has been my fortune; (good or bad, I will not say) to exercise myself in legal disquisitions, it has never befallen me to be obliged to prosecute so direful, marked and malicious an assault-a more wilful, violent and dangerous battery-and finally, a more diabolical breach of the peace, has seldom happened in a civilized country; and I dare say it has seldom been your duty to pass upon one so shocking to benevolent feelings, as this which took place over at Capt. Rice's, in this county. But you will hear from the witnesses.

The witnesses being sworn, two or three were examined and deposed-one said he had heard the noise, and did not see the fight-another that he had seen the row, but didn't know who struck first-and a third, that he was very drunk, and couldn't say much about the skirmish.

Lawyer Chops.-I am sorry, gentlemen, to have occupied your time with the stupidity of the witnesses just examined. It arises, gentlemen, altogether from misapprehension on my part. Had I known as I do now. that I had a witness in attendance who was well acquainted with all the circumstances of the case, and who was able to make himself clearly understood by the court and jury, I should not so long have trespassed upon your time and patience. Come forward Mr. Harris, and be sworn.

So forward comes the witness, a fat, shuffy old man. a "leetle" corned, and took his oath with an air.

Chops.-Harris, we wish you to tell all about the riot that happened the other day at Captain Rice's; and as a good deal has already been wasted in circumlocution, we wish you to be compendious, and at the same time as explicit as possible.

Harris.-Exactly (giving the lawyer a knowing wink, and at the same time clearing his throat.) Captain Rice, he gin a treat, and cousin Sally Dilliard, she came over to our house and axed me if my wife, she mout go? I told cousin Sally Dilliard that my wife was poorly, being as how she had a touch of the rhumatics in the hip., and the big swamp was up, for there had been a heap of rain lately ; but how somever, as it was she, cousin Sally Dilliard, my wife mout go Well. cousin Sally Dilliard then axed if Mose he mout go?

I told cousin Sally Dilliard that he was foreman of the crop, and the crop was smartly in the grass' but howsomever as it was she, cousin Sally Dilliard, Mose he mout go-

Chops-In the name of common sense, Mr. Harris, what do you mean by this rigmarole?

Witness.-Captain Rice, he gin, and cousin Sally Dilliard she came over to our house, and axed me if my wife she mout go? I told cousin Sally Dilliard

Chops-Stop, sir, if you please? we dont want to hear anything about your cousin Sally Dilliard and your wife-tell us about the fight at Rice's.

Witness.-Well. I will' sir, if you will let me.

Chops.-Well, sir. go on.

Witness.-Well, sir, Captain Rice he gin a treat, and cousin Sally Dilliard she came over to our house and axed me if my wife she mout go-

Chops.-There it is again. Witness, please to stop.

Witness.-Well, sir, what do you want?

Chops.-We want to know about the fight and you must not proceed with this impertinent story. Do you know any thing about the matter before the court?

Witness.-To be sure I do.

Chops.-Well, go on and tell it, and nothing else.

Witness.-Well, Captain Rice he gin a treat-

Chops.-This is intolerable. May it please the court, I move that this witness be committed for contempt; he seems to be trifling with the court.

Court.-Witness, you are now before a court of justice, and unless you behave in a more becoming manner, you will be sent to jail; so begin and tell what you know about the fight at Rice's.

Witness.-[Alarmed] Well, gentlemen. Captain Rice, he gin a treat, and cousin, Sally Dilliard-

Chops.-I hope that the witness may be ordered into custody.

Court.-[after deliberating.] Mr. Attorney, the court is of opinion that we may save time by letting the witness go on in his own way. Proceed, Mr. Harris, with your story. but stick to the point.

Witness.-Yes. gentlemen. Well, Captain Rice, he gin a treat, and cousin Sally Dilliard came over to our house and axed me if my wife she mout go? I told cousin Sally Dilliard that my wife she was poorly, being as how she had the rhumatics in the hip. and the big swamp was up; but howsomever, as it was she, cousin Sally Dilliard, she mout go. Well, cousin Sally Dilliard then axed me if Mose he mout go ? I told cousin Sally Dilliard, as e-was foreman of the crop was smartly in the grass-bu. it was she, cousin Sally Dilliard, ae mout go. So they goes to y wife, and cou- sin Sally Dilli- j come to the big swamp, and it was up, as I was telling you ; but being as there was a log across the big swamp, cousin Sally Dilliard and Mose, like genteel folks, they walked the log. And that's all I know about the fight.