Alexandria Gazette & Advertiser

From the Baltimore Telegraph.

THE LIMNER.

Animi cultus quasi quidam humanitatis crus --(Cicero.

Reflections deduced from a practical
Knowledge of the difficulties of scribblers.

By one of the Body.

One of the greatest difficulties that scribblers have to contend with, is, the choice
Of a subject to write upon. Behold the
Poor witless votary of the tuneful nine,
His unspotted sheet is laid with mathematical
exactness before him, his finely nibbed
pen is already filled with ink, but, alas! his brain is empty. He dips his pen
Into the stand--takes it out again; and after
an hour's hard study, he writes a title,
And perhaps a few lines of his essay, which
Not being pleased with, he tears the paper
--Bites his pen,--daubs his fingers,--
Scratches his head,--bestows a hearty
Curse upon nothing--and then, hero like,
Returns to the charge. In this manner he
Wastes a dozen sheets of foolscap, and at
Last brings forth nothing, or at least, some
Lame ragged bantling, half stolen from
Authors as miserable and lack-brained as
Himself; and then who can describe the
Voice and manner in which (after having
Reviewed his essay) he exclaims, montes
Parturitunt nascitur ridiculus mus

The next, and no inconsiderable difficulty,
is, the choice of quotations; for unless
he lard his leanness with a few of
These, he is a weary long distance from the
Top of Parnassus. There is more advantage
to be derived from quotations than is
Generally imagined; for if they are in
Verse, no matter how badly applied, they
Attract attention, but happy, thrice happy
Is he, who can find one in any foreign language,
for then his reputation for profound
Learning and extensive classical reading is
Established forever. Thus, the poor scribbler
spreads out his stock of books before
Him, (not usually very extensive,) and
Then, if he have them, ransacks Shakespeare,
Johnson, Milton, Cowper, and myriads
of others, not forgetting a book of
Proverbs; and often comparing, correcting,
And revising, he selects a quantum
sufficit, and with the assistance of an unusual
number of dashes, blanks, dots, &c.
He ekes out an elaborate composition.

The third, and by far the greatest difficulty,
is the choice of style. Now the
Question is, 'shall it be sublime, pathetic,
Comic, descriptive, or sentimental.' He
Generally chooses the pathetic; and it, after
Innumerable attempts backed by the
Whole artillery of sighs and groans.
Pride and poverty, he fails in effecting anything
moving or heart-rending, he
Touches on the sublime, and rants of stars
And comets, gods and goddesses, and
Storms of thunder and lightning; his lines
Are full of
Words of learned length and thundering
Sound,'
All overflowing with tragic, poetical expressions.
But alas he finds that his genius
is not lofty enough, and he turns to
The comic; for if his genius does not lay in
Tragedy it must of course in comedy, or
Else where does it lay--it must lay somewhere
But, poor fellow, he is in too
Bad a humor to laugh himself, ergo, he
Cannot write comical. He then tries
The sentimental, and gives a long story of
Two devoted lovers, both loving to distraction,
separated by some insurmountable
objection; but somehow or other, not
Understanding the machinery of sentimental
love tales, he throws by his pen in despair,
but thinks of the descriptive, and
Quickly resumes that. It now glides
Swiftly over the paper, to the tune of exuberant
valleys, verdant fields, meandering
Streams, foaming cascades, warbling
Groves, cooling zephyrs, rustic songs, pastoral
pipes, &c. &c.

He will give an animated description
Of a party of country Hobs and Madges,
'Tripping it on the light fantastic toe.' to
The sweet and very rural music of a cracked
pipe and a three stringed fiddle.

The above is a feeble description of
Some of the difficulties under which the
Honorable body of scribblers labor, my
Best, and only excuse is, that I feel them
In their greatest extent.

CAROLUS VESANUS.