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Poem
August 9, 1771
The New Hampshire Gazette And Historical Chronicle
Portsmouth, Greenland, Rockingham County, New Hampshire
What is this article about?
A satirical poem critiquing quack doctors who tailor their treatments based on a patient's wealth, over-prescribing expensive remedies to the rich while denying them food, leading to near-death, only for simple nourishment to save them.
Clipping
OCR Quality
97%
Excellent
Full Text
The Quack Doctor
If to a Patient call'd, to him unknown,
When first into the House or Room he's shown,
The mercenary Quack looks round to see
What Signs of Want, or of Prosperity,
Appear about the Chamber, and from thence
Does his Advice accordingly dispense.
If meanly furnish'd, and coarse Sheets, he's poor---
The Country Air must then perform the Cure;
But if the Patient's rich, lie still, dear Sir;
Nurse, keep him close, 'tis present Death to stir;
I'll send a Drink shall rectify his Blood,
Drenches and Drops can only do him good;
Pearl Cordials, of Crabs-Eyes, must be his Food.
Thus is th' unhappy Wretch with Physic ply'd,
And what he begs for most, is most deny'd,
Till pin'd away at last to Skin and Bone
Only for want of Food to live upon:
But when gave o'er, if Nature be but strong,
The Cook oft proves the Doctor's in the wrong,
And does his Life with Kitchen Physic save,
Brought by base Emp'rics once so near the Grave.
From whence, dear Sir, it plainly doth appear,
Such Doctors many Thousands in a Year
Secundum Artem, kill for want of right good Cheer.
If to a Patient call'd, to him unknown,
When first into the House or Room he's shown,
The mercenary Quack looks round to see
What Signs of Want, or of Prosperity,
Appear about the Chamber, and from thence
Does his Advice accordingly dispense.
If meanly furnish'd, and coarse Sheets, he's poor---
The Country Air must then perform the Cure;
But if the Patient's rich, lie still, dear Sir;
Nurse, keep him close, 'tis present Death to stir;
I'll send a Drink shall rectify his Blood,
Drenches and Drops can only do him good;
Pearl Cordials, of Crabs-Eyes, must be his Food.
Thus is th' unhappy Wretch with Physic ply'd,
And what he begs for most, is most deny'd,
Till pin'd away at last to Skin and Bone
Only for want of Food to live upon:
But when gave o'er, if Nature be but strong,
The Cook oft proves the Doctor's in the wrong,
And does his Life with Kitchen Physic save,
Brought by base Emp'rics once so near the Grave.
From whence, dear Sir, it plainly doth appear,
Such Doctors many Thousands in a Year
Secundum Artem, kill for want of right good Cheer.
What sub-type of article is it?
Satire
What themes does it cover?
Satire Society
Moral Virtue
What keywords are associated?
Quack Doctor
Satire Medicine
Mercenary Physic
Patient Wealth
Kitchen Cure
Poem Details
Title
The Quack Doctor
Form / Style
Rhymed Couplets
Key Lines
If Meanly Furnish'd, And Coarse Sheets, He's Poor
The Country Air Must Then Perform The Cure;
But If The Patient's Rich, Lie Still, Dear Sir;
Nurse, Keep Him Close, 'Tis Present Death To Stir;
Thus Is Th' Unhappy Wretch With Physic Ply'd,
And What He Begs For Most, Is Most Deny'd,
The Cook Oft Proves The Doctor's In The Wrong,
And Does His Life With Kitchen Physic Save,
Such Doctors Many Thousands In A Year
Secundum Artem, Kill For Want Of Right Good Cheer.