The Virginia Gazette

For the MORNING CHRONICLE.

Mr. Woodfall, I here send you a Quack Doctor's Bill; and if it entertains your Readers but half as much as the Doctor and his Merry Andrew did the Company at the Masquerade last Friday at Soho, it is worth your while to give it a Place in the Morning Chronicle.

To the Publick in general, and to every Individual in particular.

BE it known, that there is just arrived, in this Metropolis, MONSIEUR DE LA CANULE, M. D. F. R. S. A. A. S. D. S. M. S. R. Y. Z. S. and Professor of Physick in all the Universities in Europe, Asia, Africa, and America. This may be considered as the most fortunate Event that ever happened to the Inhabitants of Europe, as the Doctor has brought with him the following inestimable Secrets, which he proposes giving to the Publick without even the Assistance of Letters Patent.

First. That most surprising Balsam, called Paramandelarg Katfiamum, brought from Whangwanggung, situated thirty Degrees beyond the South Pole; which being only rubbed on the Gums, for five Minutes, will cause an entire Set of new Teeth to sprout up instantly, to the Amazement of the Beholders. The Doctor has invented a Machine by which he can extract the whole old Set in the tenth Part of a Moment, without the Patient feeling him.

Secondly. He performs the most astonishing Operations upon the Eye, by extracting the diseased Eyes, and inserting Eyes of any Colour or Brightness the Patient may require.

N. B. His Patients may have the Choice of the Eyes of different Animals, so as best to suit their Faces or Professions. The Soldier may be furnished with the Eyes of a Lion, a Tiger, or Panther; the Lover, with those of the Spaniel or Goat; and those Persons who are obliged to be much out at Night, with Cat's Eyes, which will enable them to see in the Dark as well as by Daylight. He also gives a considerable Price for sound human Eyes, which he will extract without the seller suffering the least Pain.

Thirdly. The illustrious Ointment called Syang Yang Ching Quoy Teienmencow (prepared from the Marrow of Illuminating Buds, and invented by Li Lackum, who lived five Thousand Years before the Date of the Mosaick Creation, and from whom the Doctor is descended in a right Line) this Ointment, being applied to the Stump of a Leg or Arm which has been cut off, will immediately cause a Regeneration of the Parts which have been destroyed, so that the Patient shall, in five Days have as perfect a Foot or Hand as he had before the Operation.

Fourthly. He has brought over the Art of bandaging, by which the Chinese Ladies confine their Feet to that beautiful Smallness so as to be scarcely equal to the Size of the least Toe Nail of an Englishwoman.

The Doctor is too modest to descant on its own Merits, but does not doubt to convince all impartial People that he is the most profound Philosopher and Physician, and the non plus ultra that ever the World produced, and that his Abilities surpass a million times those of Galen.

By the Royal Letters Patent the Doctor has just invented the truly famous and highly celebrated divine Liquor for Shoes and Boots, which gives such a Tincture that a boot blacked with this will perfectly answer all the Purposes of a Looking Glass, and therefore exceedingly convenient to all Travellers.