National Gazette

For the NATIONAL GAZETTE.

RIGHTS IN GENERAL:

YE righteous powers! vouchsafe to view
Contending worms, their rights to know.
The rights of man, pray what are those,
But rights to follow—each his nose.—
The "rights of woman," what be these?
But do and say—whate'er she please.
The "rights of schoolboy?" why, if clever
They're quip, repartee, and fun for ever.
The fondling rights of mamma's pet?
Why death to menials—if it fret.
What "asses-rights?"—why bray in vain;
Or else their "feather rights" maintain;
While rights of Teachems fierce, or dolt,
Are pare the whip, and break the colt.
What e'en are rights of queens and kings,
But junc'd sweets and bitter stings?
And what their subjects' rights at best,
But rights to lop off sovereign crest?
What then the rights of land's-man by,
But farcical rights to laugh and cry?
While rights canaille—still being off,
Are rights the traitor's blood to quaff!
What then are rights of public bodies,
But cater, feast, and ride their noddies?
And what the rights of outs and ins,
But rights recriminating sins?—
What, rights of funding financiers;
But fiscal rights to tax compeers?—
What, rights of scribes & public speakers:
Evasive clause to aid law breakers.—
And what the rights of pleader's tongue
But rights to prove, that right is wrong!
What hence, are rights of sage and fool
But turn about, be rul'd and rule?
And what the rights of lords and masters,
But lash alive, for feign'd disasters?
What then, the rights of vault slaves,
But rights to dig their masters' graves!
What next are rights of strong and weak
But rights the wall to give or seek?
And what the rights of young and old,
But rights to yell or—to be sold?
What e'en—are rights of rich and poor,
But one to beg at th' other's door?
Yet, rights of robber to wring from one,
Are rights to hold all things in common:
While rights of wights to toil for bread,
Are rights to starve, or work 'till dead.
What rights plead libertines of late,
But rights to believe no future state?
And pray what rights more nice or civil
To rid mankind of tyrant devil?
While rights of most atrocious deed,
Are heav'nly rights—if they succeed;
And rights which justly should prevail,
Are rights infernal—if they fail.
What right have folks to go to war,
But rights to keep men still impair?
Let rights of peace make neutral pact,
Prove neither pleb, nor Cincinnat
What rights give conqu'ring heroes birth,
But rights to desolate the earth!
While rights of pulpit, bar, and stage,
Are rights to heighten party rage;
And rights of press—whate'er betide—
Are rights to print on—either side.
What rights claim vilest toad and frog,
But rights to croak o'er some "king log"?
And pray what rights have thee to rail,
Till rights of Turk establish peace?
Nay what are rights of man and wife,
But rights to wrangle during life?
And what the rights of infant born,
But rights to listen, lip and learn?
While rights of ragamuffins in street,
Are rights insulting—all they meet.
What, hence, an Afric's—savage rights,
But rights to massacre all whites?
And what the rights of white nation,
But rights of due retaliation?—
Whence rights of mob, in ev'ry age,
Are plunder, blood, and sacrilege;
While rights of rabble to be free,
Are rights of "just equality."
Poor rights of nature, how antique!
Her clown and cit so much unlike;
While rights of Art spread ev'ry where,
Of "common sense" an equal share:
Give rights, alike, to mule and ass,
Of poundage, for not knowing their grass;
And yet e'en mice—in air balloon,
With equal rights to—storm the moon!-
Those glorious rights—assum'd or giv'n,
Bless'd angel pride first try'd in heav'n;
And tho' such rights base spirits fail'd
On nobler flesh, they're still entail'd.—
And what, tho' ghostly right records,
A "king of kings, and lord of lords?"
The rightlier title cit of cits,
Far better suits "king killing" writs.
Whence rights of rulers, clergy, laymen,
Are now, but rights of patient amen;
While rights, in fine, of great and small,
Are "strongest arm"—come, carry all:
A right of rights which, who but sees?
From orbs on high, to mites in cheese!
But quit such rights for rights of truth,
And right your conduct, while in youth;
Let rights of child be what they should,
And when 'tis old they'll still be good.
Be rights of task, tho' hard, well plied;
Lest truant rights take larum's stride.
Brook rights above—soothe those below,
For placid rights lie 'tween the two.
Love rights of foe—as fellow-worm,
And on yourself commence "REFORM."
So will e'en injur'd rights outshine
The triumphs of the "guillotine."
But hold, perhaps of right you'll ask,
What! must I cringe in borrow'd mask;
To usurp'd rights of pow'r and pelf?
In each "aristo" tyrant elf!
Whose selfish rights are to keep down,
Such upright man and passive clown;
As impair rights of pure and scrip,
Fore-doom to drudge, or brook the whip;
When rights egalite count Hodge,
As fit to rule the realm, as George?
No—this were rights of pup to bolt,
Which licks the foot that kicks it most;
While rights of sex, age, and degree,
Are death! or, "equal liberty."
Hail "levelling rights!" sublimely just:
Who know no gods, save "pistol" & "bludgeon!"
Would rights of Christ but worship you,
The world were His—as ye subdue—
Then rights of Pruss, Rus, Turk & Pole,
In democratic dust might roll;
And reptile rights no more revere
John Bull, than shamrock volunteer.
Nay, then to "rights of man" was giv'n
To fix the rights of hell and heav'n.
While rights of heroes, nymphs and gnats—
Co-bless'd in rights of vermicrats;
Might hold, with Pope, in pride's despite
That "whatsoever is, is right;"
And that all counter-rights are wrong:
Which ends my rightless rights of song!

PHILEUTHYS.
Philad. 1793