The Virginia Gazette

To the Printer of the Publick Advertiser.

SIR,

When I went into the country, and expected on my return to town to find peace and good order prevail, and that the ARCH incendiary, baffled in his schemes of sedition, had submitted to the sentence of the law, without making any further attempts to disturb the publick tranquillity: but here I was very soon undeceived, for when I went to the coffee-house, and took up the Publick Advertiser, the first thing that met my eye was a new manifesto addressed to the freeholders of Middlesex, and drawn up in the usual inflammatory style.

"Good God! (cried I, addressing myself to an old Gentleman who was drinking coffee at the same table) what can this pragmatical seditious scribbler mean?" The meaning, Sir (replied the old Gentleman) is extremely plain: "This poor, unhappy, desperate man, cannot exist but in a storm. By throwing everything into confusion he may chance to be a gainer, and cannot possibly be a loser, because he has nothing to lose. If peace and unity prevail, so healthful to the body politic, they must be death to him. He cannot fish but in troubled water, and must inevitably starve in a calm; for if he does not from time to time send forth inflammatory advertisements, artfully addressed to the passions of the vulgar, he would very soon lose all his consequence. No contributions or subscriptions would come in to support his extravagance, nor any turtle, turbot, or venison, from the dupes of his popularity; and thus he, and his boasted Number 45, would sink into contempt and oblivion."

"Mercy on us (cried I) what a strange character!" "The character is not at all strange (continued he) but is often to be met with in common life. As for example, why does Filch or Nimming Ned, or any other pickpocket, breed a riot in the streets, or kick up a dust, as it is called, and endeavour, by boxing or bullragging, to draw together a crowd of idle spectators? I say, with what view do you suppose he does all this? Is it not that whilst these idle gaping souls are attending to a quarrel, in which they have no earthly concern, he may have an opportunity of conveying their purses or their watches into his pocket? Nay if he gets but a handkerchief it is better than nothing, and will serve to purchase him a supper and a night's lodging; whereas if peace and quietness reign in our streets, if there is no riot or disturbance, the poor devil cannot have an opportunity to exercise his talents, and therefore must inevitably starve."

Here the old Gentleman rose up, paid for his coffee, and walked out, leaving me to make the application; but, as my letter is perhaps too long already, I shall leave that task to the reader's sagacity.

I am, SIR,
Smyrna coffee-house, Nov. 29.
A foe to every Disturber of the Publick Peace.

See a print of him by Hogarth.