Mineral Point Tribune

AMERICAN SLANGOgraphy

From London Punch

People who have any reverence for "the pure well of English undefiled" must wish that the Americans would have left that well alone, and not defile it with such hideous corruptions as the following:

One of the papers lately, instead of recording that the President had gone on an excursion, simply announced that he had "excurted." The other day we read that the Erie was "injuncted." A paragraph in an evening paper was headed thus: "A Woman Burgled Nine Times in Ten Years."

Fancy the dismay of dear old Dr. Johnson at reading such uncouth phraseology as this! Imagine him devouring Yankee newspapers for breakfast! With how many a cup of tea could he gulp down, without choking, their grammarless contents!

And when afterwards discussing them in critical cold blood, with what rotundity of phrase would he give vent to his just wrath. Conceive the Great Lexicographer admitting to his Dictionary such exercises as:

"Burgle. verb active, To break into a dwelling house," or "Excurt verb, neuter, To go upon a journey." What groans and grunts, and snorts of furious indignation he would forcibly emit on meeting with a sample of new English such as this:

We have interviewed the cuss who quilled our yesterday's editorial, and in this connection we may big-type our assurance that the news which had been wired to us was regular reliable, as our reporters are injuncted from letting slide our reputation by telegramming fibs.

Assuredly, if speech be silver, men who coin such phrases, which indeed should never become current, ought to be indicted for uttering false money. As a set-off to their claim for Alabama compensation, our Yankee friends should pay us for the injuries inflicted on the English language by word-inventing writers for the Trans-Atlantic press.